Getting over a breakup for men can be very difficult. For the guys out there who are struggling and want advice on how to get over an ex-girlfriend, here are some tips for moving on from a breakup that will help make the process as painless as possible.
Dating after a breakup: Take your time
It takes time to process the pain of a breakup and work through it completely. It’s tempting to try and rush this process and just get it over with, but in the long run this usually does more harm than good.
One of the common mistakes a guy makes after a breakup is thinking he needs to go out and find another girlfriend as quick as possible to fill that void. Another mistake men make after a relationship ends is thinking that the way to get over a breakup is to go out and rack up as many one-night stands as possible.
But after each one night stand ends, that empty feeling is going to come creeping back – potentially even worse than it was before. And getting into a relationship after a breakup isn’t any better. It can easily lead to an unhealthy relationship with the wrong girl. Also, trying to run from and suppress that pain rather than deal with it head on means that pain is just going to manifest in other areas.
So rather than using women to try and fight through the pain of a breakup, it can be much better in the long run to simply take a step away from the dating scene. Instead of going out with the intention of getting laid or finding your next girlfriend, just go out with the intention of having fun and meeting a few people. Getting over a breakup for men isn’t easy. So be easy on yourself and remember that, not only is it perfectly okay for you to take things slow after a breakup – it’s often the best way for a guy to deal with a breakup.
Get over your ex-girlfriend by filling your life with things you enjoy
After a breakup a guy has a lot more free time than he had while dating. It’s important then to fill that time with positive things that you enjoy. That will help you focus on to all the great things you have going for you, which will get you feeling much better about yourself and your situation.
A great help in getting over a girlfriend then, is to take the time to do the activities you enjoy. Maybe there’s a hobby or area you’re passionate about you’ve always wanted to explore further, but never quite had the time or freedom for it. Well, this is the time do it.
If you’re not quite sure what activities you want to pick up, there are some great resources available for exploring potential areas of interest. Sites like thrillist.com and meetup.com have a lot going on and are great for staying active. As an added bonus, they’re also a great way to meet new people and build friendships (which brings us to the next tip on getting over a breakup for men…)
Move on from a breakup by connecting with friends
Breakups are not something you have to go through alone. Your friends will be ready and willing to help you get over your ex-girlfriend, so make use of them. Their support will be huge in helping you turn that corner and move on from the breakup.
To make sure you get the support of your friends, you may need to be proactive in connecting with them. Invite them out for drinks, to go to a concert – or whatever it is you all like to do together. Start a regular poker night (or some other activity you guys enjoy) so you all have a chance to connect and bond.
For further help, use this time to reach out to any friends you may have lost contact with during your relationship. See this as an opportunity to reconnect with old friends. After all, in times like this you really can’t have too many areas of support.
Move past your old relationship (by creating a new, better life)
After breaking up with a girl you’re going to have a lot more freedom than you had when you were dating. And I don’t just mean free time. I mean freedom in being the man you want to be.
See, it’s easy for a guy in a relationship to get caught up playing the “boyfriend” role (and always acting as the person he’s are expected to be) that he loses touch with who he really is. But once that role disappears he can find new ways to define himself. He has more freedom to step back, figure out who he wants to be, and then become that man.
And a helpful principle that will allow you to become that man is to begin acting “as if”.
Acting as if is very simple. Just think of the kind of man you want to be – your ideal self – and the act as if you are already him. For example, if you want to be the guy who is over his ex-girlfriend yet find yourself looking at old pictures of you and your ex together, ask yourself “would a guy who is over his ex-girlfriend be doing this?” Of course not, he’d be doing something else – like going to the gym. So act as if you’re over the breakup by putting the pictures away and head to the gym instead. As a result of the actions, you’ll turn into the man who has moved on from the relationship.
This is an effective way to get over a breakup because our behaviors influence our thoughts. So when you behave as if you are already over the breakup, it sends the message to your brain that you are over it and you’ll begin to feel that way.
(For more tips on getting over a breakup for men, check out the Pickup Podcast episode on Getting Over a Breakup)
