The Art of Talking To Anyone (Episode #794)

Talking to people we don’t know can be uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying, so why is it so important that we become comfortable with it and overcome the fear, what does science say about the value of talking to strangers, and what can you do to become a master of meeting new people?

What to Listen For

  • Why is it easier for introverts to talk to strangers than friends and family members?
  • Why is it scary for us to talk to people we don’t know and what can you do to overcome that fear?
  • What is a digital device security blanket and how does it put a wall up around each of us?
  • What does science say about the value of small talk with strangers and how can it prevent you from feeling isolated and disconnected from the world around you?
  • Where is the best place to meet new people and what should you say when you introduce yourself?
  • How do you use shared experiences to strike up a conversation with someone you know nothing about?
  • When is it appropriate to compliment a stranger and how do you decide what to compliment someone on?
  • What is a transactional question and how do you ask one without shutting down the conversation before it’s even begun?
  • Can you ask too many questions in a conversation?


The more comfortable you are with talking to strangers, the greater your opportunities become. It’s a simple numbers game. If 1 out of every 100 people could connect you to a great job offer, a new friend, or a romantic partner, then doesn’t it stand that the more people you meet, the greater your chances become of landing your dream job, making new friends, and finding a great partner?

If you are uncomfortable with striking up a conversation with someone out of the blue, your connections and relationships will always be limited to the people already in your social circle and chance encounters (with people who do like striking up conversations with strangers). You only get one life – don’t leave your fate up to chance. Take control and go after what you want. 

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

Art of Charm Bootcamp

Art of Charm Network

Is Efficiency Overrated? By Gillian M. Sandstrom & Elizabeth W. Dunn

The stare as a stimulus to flight in human subjects: A series of field experiments

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AJ Harbinger - author of 1175 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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