Scott Dinsmore | Live Your Legend (Episode 342)

Create real friendships with people you admire.

“If you want to stand out, just do what you say you will and kick ass at it.” -Scott Dinsmore

The Cheat Sheet:

  • Why not to go to a networking event, and what to do instead.
  • One awesome way to add value: Scott shares.
  • The Ben Franklin effect: what is it and how can you use it?
  • Why to never accept the first salary offer you receive.
  • The Three Second Rule that applies to every area of your life.
  • And so much more…

You’ve probably heard the idea that you become the sum of your five closest friends; it’s something we’ve talked about on the show before. So what do you do if you want to change those five closest friends and you want to create new friends to become the sum of?

Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend is here to answer those questions and more. Today we talk about how to reach out and connect with the greatest influencers in your life, and how to set the stage for potential friendships and real connection. Join us for the 342nd edition of The Art of Charm.

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More About This Show:

As a TED Talk presenter and the founder of Live Your Legend (LYL), Scott knows a few things about helping people find and express who they really are in the world. One of the keys to doing that, he’s found, is connecting with the right people and surrounding yourself with your greatest allies.

Originally, LYL started out as career/business tools-type company. But as Scott says in this episode, all the best tools in the world aren’t going to do a thing for you if your friends are telling you you’re an idiot for using those tools. So he shifted gears and changed the focus of his organization.

On today’s show, he shares the best practices for connecting and creating friendships with people you admire and people who are going to bring out the best in you. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life right now and you want to expand your social circle, Scott has advice for you. His first suggestion may seem counterintuitive: he says to not go to networking events.

Instead, take a look at the people in your life right now and see who you admire and who inspires you, and then find someone who brings you down. This next week, make the choice to trade out time with the energy vampire for the person you admire. If that person you admire is someone you know personally, invite them to get together.

Find some way to add value to them; obviously it’s easier if they are already your friend — you can simply ask them. But if you don’t know them yet, do your research and find out what they may need help with right now. Always remember you do have something to offer other people — even those who seem to have everything. You simply have to find a creative way to help. It may be as simple as sharing with them what you’re good at and then asking how you can apply your talents to help them.

If you feel nervous about talking with them or initiating contact, simply imagine they are your best friend, and you just haven’t chatted yet. Scott gives us a great example of how he did this when a well-known blogger moved to his area. The blogger invited about 50 people to meet up and chat when he settled in. Scott knew he’d only have a minute or two to chat with the blogger, who had been very influential for him, so he wanted to make it count.

Scott knew the blogger and his wife were vegans and he also knew the blogger was an avid runner. So he compiled a list of vegan restaurants in the area and a list of the best local running trails. He chatted with the blogger, thanked the man for being such an influence in his life, and then handed him the suggestions he’d gathered. The blogger was so touched he invited Scott out for a run. That run led to the two becoming friends and running an ultra-marathon together.

Whether or not you meet your new BFF this way, you can still apply the same principles. Find someone you admire and want to connect with, find out a need they have, and find a way to fill it. They’ll remember you, and will be very willing to interact with you in the future.

Naturally there’s plenty more in this episode with Scott, so check it out to get the full scoop! Then join me in thanking him for being here and sharing his tremendous knowledge. He was an awesome guest and you’re awesome for listening. Thanks, and we’ll see you next time!


Resources from this episode:

Live Your Legend’s special gifts for AoC listeners

Scott put together a special set of totally free tools for Art of Charm listeners to help you find and do work you love and surround yourself with the people who make it possible. Download the Toolkit here:

Scott Dinsmore’s TED Talk

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AJ Harbinger - author of 1139 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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