Robin Dreeke | The Code of Trust (Episode 653)

Robin Dreeke (@rdreeke) is a 28-year veteran of federal service, former head of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, and co-author of The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed.

“You can be the most brilliant person on the face of the earth with the most amazing skills, but if you can’t develop relationships and have trust, you’re completely worthless.” -Robin Dreeke

The Cheat Sheet:

  • Learn the Code of Trust’s five principles and how they help us build rapport.
  • Understand the difference between manipulation and trust.
  • Discover why trustworthy people always rise to the top.
  • Find out how to get others to open up and connect with us — spy style.
  • Recognize why real leaders put the needs of others before their own — and don’t keep a score card.
  • And so much more…

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The elusive obvious: things people think they know, yet nobody does — or they think they’re the exception to the rule, even though this thought process is the reason they’re missing out on relationships and opportunities in their lives.

The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed co-author Robin Dreeke joins us to talk about five principles that are often overlooked as the elusive obvious, but crucial for building trustworthy and worthwhile relationships with others.

Please Scroll down for Full Show Notes and Featured Resources!

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One might assume that a man charged with the task of recruiting spies would be a Machiavellian master of shadows with duplicitous motivations and a shady demeanor. He might even sport a perfectly waxed mustache and an eyepatch — or, at the very least, a prescription monocle. His laugh would convey a sense of cruel superiority — mockery at your feeble attempts to thwart whatever schemes he’s hatching from the safety of his secret lair.

That’s why anyone armed with such assumptions would be completely disarmed upon meeting Robin Dreeke, co-author of The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed. As someone who’s been involved with American counterintelligence for three decades, he says his real job is “developing relationships and trying to inspire people to want to help out and…protect the country.”

Think of Robin as more of a Captain America than a Doctor Doom. His currency is trust, not deceit, and he understands that connection-building rapport will get you farther than any other skill in your arsenal. This is why he lives by — and shares with others — what he calls The Code of Trust.

“[As] human beings, we are exceedingly genetically coded for self-centered self-interest,” says Robin. “So when you get an individual that actually knows how to communicate in a way with someone else to figure out…this other person’s priorities…their needs, wants, dreams, and aspirations personally, professionally, long term, short term, understand the context of how they see the world, and understand how they see prosperity from their point of view, now what’s really easy — as a leader and someone who’s honoring The Code — if I provide available resources for you to achieve those things that are important to you, I guarantee you’re going to…want to stay affiliated with me.”

Contrast this with someone who bullies their way into a leadership position. He or she may have succeeded in the eyes of the short-sighted, but this isn’t someone who’s going to inspire the people unlucky enough to get stuck in the position of following him or her for the long haul. People who feel threatened and manipulated aren’t going to give the task at hand their all in the same was as people who follow a leader they trust and respect.

So what does this Code of Trust entail? These five principles — which are simple enough in concept, but require constant practice to perfect.

  1. Suspend your ego.
  2. Be nonjudgmental.
  3. Honor reason.
  4. Validate others.
  5. Be generous.

And if the idea of perfection scares you, don’t worry — even Robin considers himself not quite there yet. As he tells us, “I’m not done being a moron — it’s a journey, not a destination!”

Listen to this episode of The Art of Charm to learn more about how Robin became a leader (though he considers himself not naturally born to do so), why trust and trustworthy people rise to the top, the three anchors Robin honors to establish trust with others, why it’s easier to build trust with rational people — and how to make sure the people you’re dealing with are rational, how to make others feel better for having met you, four ways to reinforce value and affiliation, how to build trust with people we don’t quite understand or agree with, how to avoid judging others, how we can open a trust-building conversation without getting personal, what we can do to build the habit of listening without worrying about what we’re going to say next, how to be a resource for the prosperity of others, and lots more.

THANKS, ROBIN DREEKE!

If you enjoyed this session with Robin Dreeke, let him know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out at Twitter:

Click here to thank Robin Dreeke at Twitter!

Click here to let Jordan know about your number one takeaway from this episode!

Resources from This Episode:

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With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the how you heard about us section.

Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here!

Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM!

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.

Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed!

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Jordan Harbinger - author of 898 posts on The Art of Charm

Jordan Harbinger has spent several years abroad in Europe and the developing world, including South America, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, and speaks several languages. He has also worked for various governments and NGOs overseas, traveled through war zones, and been kidnapped -- twice. He’ll tell you the only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation. Here at The Art of Charm, Jordan shares that experience, and the system borne as a result, with students and clients.

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