As Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence author Esther Perel can confirm, relationships are still complicated.
“We are creatures of meaning and we want to feel we matter.” -Esther Perel
The Cheat Sheet:
Why have we lost the value of relational intelligence?
How to know if you’re in a role or are being accountable?
How to rekindle relationships.
Why the first person to apologize holds the power.
How can you break the cycle of hostile dependence?
And so much more…
If we’ve been in relationships since the dawn of humankind, why are they still so complicated? Here to answer that question is psychologist Esther Perel. Esther is a two-time TED speaker who wrote the New York Times best-selling book Mating in Captivity.
Today on The Art of Charm, Esther shares why men need more roles than simply the breadwinner, how we can appreciate the relationships we have, and why the quality of our lives really is dependent on the quality of our relationships.
Esther Perel’s work is groundbreaking and pivotal to today’s perspective on relationships. She is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist who has been profiled by The New York Times and The New Yorker. Her book, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, is an international bestseller that has been published in 24 different languages.
Obviously, she knows a few things about the world of relationships! And on today’s show she discusses why relationships are still complicated after thousands of years, why men deserve more freedom in their accepted roles in life, and how we can rekindle any neglected relationship.
Although we’ve been in relationships as long as we’ve been in existence, we’re still experiencing significant challenges and problems in our relationships. Why haven’t we figured it out yet?
Esther says it’s because we have so many more choices today — something we’ve never had before. Couple that with our adopted attitude of novelty and replacement and you’ll understand why fewer people stay together through the difficult times.
What if you are one of those couples who is navigating a difficult time and you want to rekindle the spark you once had together? The first step is to acknowledge your role in the situation. Ask yourself if you’re treating your partner the way you treat your clients? Are you as good to your significant other as you are to other people in your life? If the answer is ‘no,’ then say so to your partner.
Once you’ve acknowledged your lack of appreciation, start appreciating that person more. Don’t save the gratitude for anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day. Do something for them. Give them the day off from being a mom or a caretaker. Take care of them for a change, and show your appreciation for all they do.
If you’re away on a business trip, write a letter thanking your significant other for the things they do to make your life better — from taking care of the house while you’re gone to caring for your kids, etc. You’ll feel elevated by elevating and showing your gratitude for them.
Esther also spells out how we can defuse any argument no matter the subject, and explains something called ‘hostile dependence’ and how to let go of it in any relationship. Have a listen to episode 410 of The Art of Charm!
AJ Harbinger - author of 1157 posts on The Art of Charm
AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality.
Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.
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