Art of Charm Toolbox | Opening (Episode 4)

You’re going to get rejected. Deal with it, and go approach anyway. The only way you can get better is by approaching and practicing. If you have good body language and make a solid approach, you’ll make a great first impression. Now that that’s out of the way, check out the rest of AJ and Jordan’s tips on opening.

“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it.” -Thucydides

(Direct Download Episode Here)

More About This Show

Don’t exchange information; convey personality!

Some people try openers because they don’t know what else to say — and that’s ok, as long as you don’t over-depend on them. Don’t memorize openers when “hi” works just fine.

Does the girl know you? Or the canned lines?

Canned lines are best when used as a compliment to good body language.

Get out there!

Don’t get too caught up on getting the number. Focus on the interaction, be in the moment, and make plans if you connect with the girl. The number should be an afterthought.

Don’t worry about being called out over using a canned opener; if the interaction works well, she’ll forget the opener. If not, you have to work on some other aspect of your game.

Pecking: When you lean in, then lean back, it shows you are not relaxed in the situation.

Good opening: a warm, sincere smile. Be unique and fun, show that you are the party, and the girls may come to you.

Bad opening: asking questions like “What are you drinking?” or “Where are you from?”

If you aren’t comfortable in a nightclub, but you are comfortable in a coffee shop, meet women at a coffee shop, or wherever works for you.

Give value. Introduce people to other people; befriend the whole bar.

A light touch on the arm is a good opener, but let go quickly.

Fashion tip: Get a good pair of jeans. Girls notice them, so wear stylish jeans. Bring a girlfriend, a gay friend, or talk to the girls at the store to help you find the right pair for you. Don’t be afraid to pay money — a good pair is worth it in the long run. Diesel, Paper Denim, and True Religion are all good places to look.

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AJ Harbinger - author of 1050 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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