How to Deepen Your Connection With Others | Article (Episode 724)

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About This Episode

Technology in the digital age has made it easier than ever to form new connections and stay in touch with old ones, but it’s also led to increased loneliness and flakiness as people rack up more screen time and less face time, so why is this, why is showing up so important in deepening your connections with others, and what does showing up actually mean?

Unfortunately, you may be paying the price of not knowing what that balance looks like if you’re not making a conscious effort to make new connections, deepen your existing ones, and actually show up for the people in your life.

What to Listen For:

  • Why is digital communication made to make you feel good and not the person you’re talking to?
  • Why do people flake and how do we overcome that flakiness?
  • How can we deepen the connections we already have?
  • Why do we tend to lose friends over time?
  • The value of getting comfortable saying NO
  • What does “showing up” for your friends actually entail?
  • The tools to turn acquaintances into true connections and salvage friendships that might be drifting away
  • Why is it more important to be there for the defeats rather than the victories?
  • What one thing can you say to someone going through a tough time when you don’t know what to say

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at This is a unique opportunity for everyone — both men and women — to create accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today


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Resources from this Episode

If you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why by Jackie Luo

A More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends by Rachel Wilkerson MillerAnna BorgesTerri PousGyan Yankovich

Jaron Lanier

Trust and Betrayal – by Jillian Raftery, based on research by John Gottman

Trust and The Marble Jar Video – Brene Brown

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi



Applied Empathy by Michael Ventura (



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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“We feel strongly connected to those that we feel comfortable enough being vulnerable around.” – AJ

“If we want other people to be vulnerable around us, then we’re going to have to be vulnerable ourselves.” – Johnny

“The less we talk about shame the more we feel it.” – AJ

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” – Carl Jung


AJ Harbinger - author of 1152 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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