What Matters Most in a Difficult Conversation | Q&A w/ Andrea J. Lee (Episode 722)

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About This Episode

In this episode of The Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) wrap up September’s month of Emotional Bids. Before answering listener questions, they speak with Andrea Lee (andreajlee.com), an accomplished coach, successful author, and violence prevention expert.

From difficult personal conversations to work-related challenges Andrea believes that the RIGHT use of power – “emotional leadership” is crucial as we try to navigate.  Without it, we end up with the abuse of power and interactions that can lead to emotional abuse.

Andrea draws on her personal experience with difficult conversations from both ends of the spectrum – as both a victim and perpetrator of abuse.  She shares what it takes to redeem yourself and rebuild any fractured relationship. Throughout their discussion, AJ, Johnny, and Andrea go in-depth into these moments, discussing the critical turning points in their lives and how they were able to overcome them. And we answer listener questions about emotional bids and personal relationships.


  • How can someone break the pattern of abuse in his/her life? Trigger Warning: this episode does contain a discussion about abuse. If this is a trigger for you please be aware.
  • What is the first step to fully understanding a conflict with someone?
  • Saying “yes” is important, but why saying “no” can be even more powerful, and how we can do it with compassion towards others.
  • The Delta model – a 3-point tool that can be universally applied to the toughest conversations.  
  • How can you prepare for a conversation you’re afraid of having with a loved one, partner or colleague.



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* Andrea J. Lee – https://andreajlee.com

* “We Need to Talk: Your Guide to Challenging Business Conversations” by Andrea J. Lee – https://amzn.to/2NxY837

* “The Power of the Positive No” by Dr. William Yuri – https://amzn.to/28MB2g1



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AJ Harbinger - author of 1114 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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