So you haven’t had much luck with women and have resigned yourself to believing ‘girls just don’t like me’. Well you might be right, but not for the reasons you think. Don’t worry though, there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. It’s possible to become the type of guy women want without having to become someone you’re not.
First let’s look at the issue. Here are 3 common traits lots of guys have that girls don’t like in a partner:
1. The Nice Guy: This guy is the first one to volunteer to help her move but the last one she wants to sleep with. He works hard to be exactly what he thinks a woman wants – he’s caring, a ‘good listener’, will do anything for her and will agree to anything she says – but it hasn’t gotten him anywhere.
The problem for Nice Guys is their niceness isn’t sincere. It’s just done so that she will like him. That kind of desperation is not attractive. Girls don’t like a guy who sucks up to them in the hopes of winning their approval. They like a guy who is comfortable enough with who he is that he’s willing to go for what he wants. If he fails or gets rejected, so be it. He’s at least living his life as he sees fit. That is far more attractive than a guy who just tries to get people to like him.
2. The Needy Guy: This guy needs to have a girlfriend or dates lined up just for his own validation. His self-esteem is based on how women feel about him. When women want to date or have sex with him he feels good about himself. If there are no women in his life he feels worthless. He’s got this empty feeling that he’s constantly trying to fill and he thinks a woman is the answer to this problem.
Women are intuitive and they can pick up on this needy vibe a mile away. When they catch that scent of neediness, they stay the hell away. Each woman has got her own stuff to deal with and doesn’t want a guy that brings nothing to the table but a problem for her to fix. She doesn’t want to be responsible for holding up his self-esteem.
3. The Guy That Puts Her on a Pedestal: This guy sings her praises without even knowing anything about her. Psychologists have a term for this called the ‘halo effect’. When people know somebody has one positive quality they’ll project other positive qualities onto that same person. Just because she’s pretty and has a nice laugh this guy automatically assumes she’s amazingly perfect in every way.
I’m not saying women don’t want to be seen as special or important. I’m saying no matter how hot she is, she’s not perfect and she knows it. When your vision of her conflicts with her own vision of herself in such an extreme way it makes her feel uncomfortable, she’ll feel like you don’t really know or understand her.
Here’s an easy trick to practice keeping women off that pedestal: When you see an attractive women during the day practice seeing her for what she is by taking a wider perspective beyond her looks. Remember she’s got her own troubles with work, friends, family, money, etc. that keep her up at night. She’s gone through hard times in the past. She’s bored, she’s stressed, and she wants to feel appreciated just like everyone else. When you see women in this light it allows you to form a more genuine connection with them. As a bonus it will also ease some of that stress and anxiety you may have about talking to her.
If you’ve noticed some or all of these qualities in yourself don’t worry, you can learn to turn them around and become the guy women find attractive. This isn’t done by adding on layers to try and become a different person. It’s done by getting rid of all the bullshit beliefs and habits you have that have been holding you back. It’s done by learning what women find attractive and the right way to bring those qualities out. It’s done by pushing your comfort zone again and again to open up a whole new world of possibilities.
