The Secret To Building Rapport

Think of Rapport like a empty pot in the middle of two people, and every time one person opens up about themselves, those feelings go in the pot. If one person adds too much into the pot the other one can become nervous and start to pull away. This pot needs to be filled equally on both
sides for everyone in the interaction to feel comfortable to continue to open up and build trust and comfort.

Its funny; I get a lot of letters from guys asking me what questions they can ask to get a girl to open herself up to Rapport and begin to fill the pot.  Well, that is the wrong question to ask. The right question is, “What can I do to help her to open up?” The most important thing you can do is to open up yourself first. Without you opening up first, women are not going to follow your lead. Think about it: when you open up about yourself, you run the risk of not being accepted. People are not that willing to put their guard down unless you let yours down first.

As men, we work really hard to hide emotions. This works against our gender role to protect and provide. Imagine having to kill animals to eat, but struggling with empathy and a nurturing spirit. Because our society has evolved, the understanding of “protect and provide” has changed. Now it is the socially fit that can protect and provide and have a better chance to replicate. In the modern age, our society has evolved faster than we have, and our rules of how we protect and provide have changed.

Women want to know that we understand how they feel, and to understand how we feel. The connection of feelings is what bonds people together. Not being able to show vulnerability in our communication is going to prohibit women from getting to know us and feel comfortable around us. Being able to communicate from an emotional standpoint about how we feel, without letting it overwhelm us, is a key factor that many men look over because we are so worried about being attacked. By getting a grip on who we are, where we’ve come from, and where we are going can help us feel better about letting people into our lives.

1.    Make peace with the past (you can’t change it).

2.    Find out what you are after in life (you can not travel to a destination if you do not where it is).

3.    Take a look at your beliefs and get rid of the negatives. Make sure you are not limiting yourself.

Doing these few things will help strengthen you and how you feel about yourself. It will be easier for you to open up more about who you are. When you are able to speak freely about some of your own feelings, it becomes a lot easier for others to feel comfortable and add to the rapport pot. Once you have that, people feel more at ease investing in the interaction, therefore building a better bond that you can use to transition into seduction.

This will feel uncomfortable at first but that’s ok. These are the things women will connect with and find endearing. WARNING: Please be careful about adding too much to the pot too soon. It can be a sign of neediness. Try to be conscious of it and keep the transaction at about a 40/60 split, heavier on her side. Let her constantly be chasing your investment. Just be sure you start it. This will free her to open up to you, and keep her adding to the pot.

Johnny Dzubak - author of 56 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

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in Art of Dating, Building A Connection