Do you have a girl in your social circle who you want to start dating? If so, here’s some advice on how to start dating a friend that can help you shift that platonic relationship into an intimate one. (For additional tips on how to start dating a friend be sure to check out the Pickup Podcast episode on how to escape the friend zone)
How to build attraction with a girl who is a friend
The key to how to start dating a friend is to shift the dynamic of the relationship. She needs to learn to see you not just as a friend, but as a sexual option in her life. She has to feel that spark of sexual tension and chemistry that you bring to the table. And the best way to create that sexual tension with a woman is through touch.
So if you want to turn a friend into a girlfriend, be sure to work touch into your conversations and interactions. If you’re not a touchy guy, start with just light, playful taps around her elbow as the two of you converse. Gradually increase the duration of the touch, and move to more intimate locations (upper shoulder first, then leg, then face, etc.) This will subtly shows your interest in the girl, ramp up the sexual tension, and get her comfortable with the idea of being physical with you.
Invite a girl over to watch a movie and cuddle together on the couch (she won’t see cuddling with a friend as a big deal). As you watch the movie, slowly take the cuddling further by rubbing her leg, brushing her hair, etc. This can be a powerful way to build up that sexual tension with a girl to the point where you may not get a chance to finish the movie.
Create sexual tension with women during conversation
Again, if you want to start dating a girl who is a friend, you must get the girl to see you as a sexual being.
One simple way to do this is to bring more sexuality into your conversations with women. For instance, don’t be afraid to talk openly about your dating and sex life as this allows her to see you as a sexual man. You can also playfully bring sex into the conversation with the girl by using things like sexual banter or sexual innuendos. (For more on how to create sexual tension with women through banter, check out this Pickup Podcast episode on banter and attraction)
But perhaps the easiest way to open up and allow a girl to see this side of you is to simply use the words sex/sexy more in your conversation with women. For instance, don’t tell the girl she looks ‘good’ in those jeans – tell her she looks ‘sexy’. Don’t ask her if your hat makes you look ‘cool’ – ask if it makes you look ‘sexy’. The word alone will prime her brain to start thinking sexually. Having sexual thoughts when she’s around you is exactly what you want if you’re ever going to turn a friend into a girlfriend.
Start dating a friend by being direct
If you want to turn a girl into a girlfriend, be sure to make your intention clear. Don’t rely on dropping subtle hints, hoping she’ll get it. Instead, be open, honest, and direct about what you’re looking for.
For example, simply saying “I like you and want to date you” is a perfectly good thing to say to a girl you want to date as it makes your intentions very clear.
Plus, women want a man with confidence and respect a guy who is not afraid to go after what he wants. Being direct like this will show that confidence women want and is only going to make a woman more attracted to you.
How to overcome rejection with a woman
If the girl you want to start dating says no, keep in mind that a “no” simply means “not right now”. She may just need time to let the thought of dating you to marinate in her brain and there’s always a chance for her to change her mind down the road. But that being said, the important thing to do after telling a girl you want to date her and hearing back that “no” is to accept her decision and move on.
Moving on means not being quite as available to this girl you want to date. Don’t waste time waiting for her to come around or figuring out ways to get the girl to like you. Instead, shift your focus, energy, time, and attention elsewhere. Go out there and meet other women (through online dating, meet-up groups, hitting up happy hour with your friends, etc.) Let yourself forget about dating that girl who is a friend.
Creating distance like this will help you move on from the girl (and potentially find someone that makes you forget about wanting to turn that friend into a girlfriend). Plus, by not being in this girl’s life all the time she may find herself thinking about you, missing you, and wondering what you’ve been up to. By creating this space, you may actually get the girl to want more than ever before.
