It’s No Accident: How to Create Chemistry

chemistryA lot of guys think of chemistry as something that just happens. This might be true, but that doesn’t make it an accident. In fact, chemistry is something that you can learn to create. Best of all, it’s not that difficult. Learn how to create chemistry and you’re going to be amazed at how easily you start making connections.

Enter a Room the Right Way

One of the biggest mistakes men make when it comes to creating chemistry is not entering a room the right way. Attraction doesn’t begin when you notice a woman. On the contrary, it starts when she notices you. This means that you need to walk into a room standing up straight, smiling and brimming with confidence. Believe it or not, you’re already creating chemistry before you’ve even noticed her — whoever “her” is.

Approach Immediately

Many men wonder when the time to approach is when they first see a woman they’re interested in. The answer is right away. This kind of decisive action is confidence personified. Take a beat or two if you need it to collect your thoughts, but approach with all deliberate speed. Believe me, she noticed you checking her out. Now be the type of man she wants by approaching right away.

Start Off Being Playful

I talk to a lot of men who make a common mistake: They start by asking questions about a woman. Even seemingly innocuous questions like “Do you like this bar?” or “What do you do for a living?” can be intimidating and off putting. This is because you are demanding personal information from a person you don’t know in a setting that is inherently stressful. What to do instead? Start with light, playful banter. You want to joke around with her a little bit, get her smiling and get her laughing. This puts the momentum on your side, while also getting her to relax and loosen up a bit. Soon she’ll have no problem sharing personal information with you.

Let Her Know That You’re Into Her

Sometimes guys want to play things super close to the vest and not let on at all. But remember what we said about getting her to relax: How relaxed and open is a woman going to be if you’re being standoffish? Instead, what you want to do to create chemistry is let her know that you’re into her. Keep it simple. Just say something along the lines of “I dig you” or “You seem pretty cool.” Then ask her an open-ended question about herself.

Create a Connection and Get Her Number

There are two excellent examples of open-ended questions that can create connections: “Tell me three things about yourself” or “What’s your deal?” These questions work because they allow her to share as much information about herself as she’s comfortable with. Once she starts sharing, it’s up to you to nurture the emotional connection. Do this by acknowledging what she’s saying by listening actively and showing her that you’re listening with your words. When she’s finished speaking, sum up the emotional core of what she’s just said, then give your take on it.

Try and forge common emotional experiences. Then, at a high point in the interaction, open your phone, ready to take her number. Tell her that you need her number so that you two can get together sometime — don’t even make it question. While she’s entering in her number, mention some killer date ideas. Then, text her so that she has your number as well.

No magic spells or potions: Just a simple way that you can make sure women are into you.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1157 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born. View all posts by AJ Harbinger

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