How to Be Charming to Women

There’s a simple secret behind how to be charming to women that many men overlook.  See, many guys think that charming women is all about impressing women.  But really, charming a woman isn’t about getting her to think highly of you – it’s about getting her to feel good when she’s around you.  And if you want to get a woman to feel good around you, here are three things to practice which will help you do just that.

Charm women with authenticity

When you’re talking with a woman, don’t try and hide who you are.  Don’t be one of the countless guys out there putting on a show hoping to look cool.  Instead, you can be a refreshing change of pace when meeting women simply by letting them see your true self, warts and all.  Let a girl see that you’re not perfect – that you’re aware of your imperfections – and that you’re totally okay with them.

Why?  Because when a woman sees you own up to your own faults and imperfections, it makes you more relatable.  She can connect with a flawed person because she’s flawed, too.

Seeing your flaws is also charming to a woman because it sets sets the stage and shows her that it’s okay for her to be authentic as well.  She no longer has to worry about how she might be perceived because you’ve lead the way and shown her it’s okay to relax and be genuine.

Finally, willingly showing your imperfections demonstrates you have incredible confidence with women.  You’ll score huge points and come off as much more secure than the other guy who is putting on a show.

To give this idea some substance, here are a couple examples of how to be more authentic with women (in a way many guys avoid):

  • When you make a mistake, admit it.  Own up to it rather than trying to hide from it.

  • If you’re insecure about something (how you look, how you feel, etc.) point it out.  Shine a big light on it and show you’re not afraid to be vulnerable.

Charm women with your attitude

Again, knowing how to be charming to women is all about making a woman feel good.  That being the case, to charm a woman it’s critical that you feel good.

Why?  Because attitudes are infectious.  You may have noticed that when you hang out with someone who has a charming attitude (someone positive, upbeat, smiling, etc.) that attitude has a way of rubbing off onto you.  Likewise, if someone has a negative attitude (they’re whining, complaining, or just in a bad mood) you may find you begin to feel/act the same way.

So if you’re wondering how to be charming to women, you’ve got to be like the first guy.  Have a positive, upbeat attitude that the woman can feed off of.  For example, if you’ve met a woman at a bar, don’t be the guy who focuses on the negative, complaining that the band sucks and everyone in the room is lame.  Be the guy who talks about the positive qualities of the bar he’s in and the people there.  That attitude will always be much more charming to women.

To cultivate this positive, charming mindset, here’s an exercise you can do (this was mentioned in the Pickup Podcast interview with author Neil Strauss): Carry around a bunch of $1 bills in your pocket.  Anytime you complain, give whoever you’re complaining to $1.  Having this little punishment will get you to stop those negative thoughts from leaving your lips.  Your interactions will become more positive and uplifting, and the women you meet will enjoy being around you that much more.

Charm women by giving

Everybody secretly craves some degree of attention, approval, and acceptance from others.  So getting a woman to like you and feel good around you is often as simple as giving her those things.  Give her your attention.  Show you approve of her.  And accept her for who she is.

Now, the secret here is to give these things with no strings attached.  Don’t do it to get a certain reaction, with the expectation that “I’m going to give her attention/approval so she’ll sleep with me”.  Women are good at picking up on a guy’s intention, and there’s nothing charming about a guy trying to get in a woman’s pants.  Instead, give these things freely.  That’s what makes receiving these things meaningful, and will get her to feel great around you (and may even get her to chase you).

Get in the habit of freely giving this kind of value when meeting women and you’ll find more and more of them will want to keep you around.  A good way to practice this (which can also help you overcome approach anxiety and fears of talking to women) is to walk up to the attractive girls you see during the day and give them a smile and a compliment.  Then, simply turn around and walk away.  Don’t wait for or expect a response.  Just give away that value with no strings attached.  You’ll probably notice how good it makes you feel, and you’ll wind up doing it more and more in your interactions.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

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