The other day I watched a video of a young man trying to get better with his approaches. He hooked himself up with a hidden camera and walked up to random people, introducing himself and attempted to amuse them. The problem that I had with this video is that after about 30 some failed attempts, he didn’t change anything about his approach. So what was the point?
By reading the comments and putting these approaches online for others to see, I am guessing the motive of the videographer was different from what I thought it would be.
It seems that the point of the videos was not to show how to be more confident, but rather to show boldness. He wanted to show that he can be immune to rejection and not care about what others had to say. At one point it just gets down right embarrassing for everyone involved.
In his approaches, he threw around racial remarks and was generally rude to everyone. So while everyone was telling him to leave them alone, he was gloating to them about how much he didn’t care about it and that he would stay talking to them until he felt like leaving. Don’t get me wrong. It takes some balls to do it, but he’s not achieving anything by doing this.
Being an ass has nothing to do with being confident. It has to do with insecurities and what you do to mask it. It’s a defense that someone will use to shed the hurt of rejection. The worst part of these videos was seeing the few times where the woman was actually interested in the first few seconds of the interaction, only watch her demeanor change as she realizes that the guy is just being insulting and celebrating his so called victory.
In the end it wasn’t a good tool how to become more social or how to overcome rejection.
I understand that in the beginning stages of getting your social life together, a defense might be necessary to do what you need to do to. Approaching to get a little feedback is great, but 30 some times of being a dick is not going to get you anywhere. If being a dick gets you props from your friends, you might be into this for the wrong reasons.
You want to be tough? You want to be bulletproof? Getting into someone’s personal space and berating them with lame questions to the point of being intrusive and rude is nauseating. Do you know anybody with Aspergers? Ask them how it feels not being able to read emotions and if it has helped them in reaching life goals. Trust me, it doesn’t help them.
Active listening with your eyes and ears shows what a good communicator you are by showing genuine interest in other people. It’s and art and a skill.
It’s a skill that can be applied anywhere and everywhere. Practice at restaurants, shops and cafés in your town. Try putting yourself in their situation. Allow people to feel comfortable opening up rather than showing them you can talk over their discomfort or your annoyance. See how much you can get them to invest in you.
These are the traits that will allow you to succeed. These are the things that allow you to be attractive.