What to do About Awkward Silence on A Date

Awkward silence on a dateIf you don’t know what to talk about with women when you’re out on a date you’re going to experience some “awkward silences”.  In moments like these you might find yourself “up in your head” scrambling for something interesting to say – which often just makes things worse.  To learn how to save yourself from these embarrassing moments check out the tips below.

Don’t run from the awkwardness

Now you might expect this article to be loaded with “go-to questions” you can use when you don’t know what to talk about with women.  But that’s not what you’ll find here.  Why?  Because asking questions you are not interested in can often just make things worse.  Women will pick up on the fact that you don’t really care about what you’re asking and are just trying to avoid tension.  And that’s not an attractive look.

Rather than having a plan to escape awkward silences learn to accept them.  When you don’t know what to talk about with a woman stay engaged and in the moment, perhaps by focusing on the sensations you feel in your body (like your breathe).  Doing this will keep you grounded so you don’t wind up “stuck in your head” (which would just add to the awkward tension).  By holding that silence and allowing that tension to be there you’re going to come off more intriguing and attractive than if you started asking questions you don’t actually care about.

Be Genuinely Interested

You can often avoid that feeling of not knowing what to talk about with women by allowing yourself to be genuinely interested and curious about who she is.  After all, how much do you really know about this girl?  Do you know what she was like as a kid?  What excites her?  What and who is most important in her life and why?  Do you know the major events and “turning points” that have shaped who she is?

I’m not saying you should rattle off these questions when you’re on a date, but just having them in the back of your head will remind you how little you know about this girl.  You’ll start to feel more interested and curious about her, and conversation will be able to flow more naturally.

Call it out

One of the easiest ways to deal with those awkward moments when you don’t know what to talk about with a woman is to just call it out.  Trying to fight or avoid that tension usually just makes it worse.  But if you bring attention to it and point it out, that tension will often dissolve on its own.

So when that awkward moment comes just smile and say something like “Oh look, an awkward silence…”  Start to see awkward silences as a joke – as something to play with and laugh at.  By doing that you not only relieve that tension, but you will come across as both more fun and confident to the women you date.

Let her squirm

Rather than getting worked up about what you should do or say to get rid of an awkward silence just relax and embrace it.  Don’t see it as your job to relieve that tension.  Instead learn to love it and enjoy basking in that awkwardness.  Put it on her to relieve that tension if she can’t handle it.

Think about it: If she’s squirming from awkward tension and looks up to see you calm and completely unfazed by it, she’ll see you as a more powerful, confident man.  Women are attracted to men who can stay strong in tense situations, so your ability to handle that tension is going to go a long way in getting her interested.

Turn that awkwardness into raw, sexual chemistry

If you don’t know what to talk about with a woman then your best bet may be to keep your mouth shut and not say anything.  Mindless chatter can often get in the way of deeper connection.  And connecting over a shared emotion (even if it’s the feeling of awkwardness) can be a gateway into something much deeper.  That “awkward silence” could actually become your springboard for creating raw sexual chemistry.

Here’s how that might look:  When that awkward moment comes stay right there in the present moment with her.  Let yourself feel that awkward tension while keeping strong eye contact.  As you look at her you may likely start to notice feelings of attraction popping up.  You might even start having thoughts of the two of you getting physical together.  Let yourself really enjoy these thoughts and feelings of attraction.  As you do you’ll start projecting a “sexual vibe” she will likely pick up on.  If she feels that sexual vibe coming from you, it will start to awaken her own feelings of sexual attraction.

Keep active

If you’re still hoping to avoid the awkward feeling of not knowing what to talk about with a woman when you are on a date here is one more tip:  When you go on a date together look to do something active.  Don’t just grab a drink or dinner and sit alone at a quite table, with all that pressure to keep up an engaging conversation.  Take her out someplace fun – to a comedy show or mini golf.  That will ease the pressure as you’ll have something to talk about and a shared experience to bond over.  (For more examples of where to take a girl on a date check out this list of first date ideas)

Starting a conversation with women

It doesn’t matter how well you can handle awkward silences if you’re not able to get a conversation going in the first place.  For tips and advice on how to approach women and get a conversation going, click here.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

Email


in Art of Dating, Dating Tips

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.