The Science Behind What Makes a Woman Fall in Love With You

what makes a woman fall in loveFor a woman to fall in love with you she first has to find you attractive.  That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be physically attractive, because attraction for women involves a lot more than just looks.  There are much more important qualities women are looking for, and whether you want to make a woman fall in love with you or just sleep with you for a night, you’re going to have to show that you have those qualities.

Most guys think attraction is all about looks.  It makes sense because looks are a major part of what most guys want in a woman.  If a guy isn’t attracted to the way a woman looks, it’s often hard for him to become interested in that girl.

This might sound shallow, but it’s there for a reason.  Men are evolutionarily hardwired to look for women that could give birth to a healthy child to pass his genes along.  This is why men typically go for young, fit girls with healthy skin, large breasts, and curvy hips (a.k.a a great ass).

Women are also looking for healthy men, but there are a lot of other factors that are just as important – if not more so.  If you look back throughout human evolution, it’s been the man’s job to provide and protect both the woman and the offspring.  Since humans are social creatures, this means it’s not just muscle that shows a man can take care of his woman.

Traits like confidence, humor, and social intelligence (someone who in the early years of humanity would be accepted by ‘the tribe’) are all very important in showing a woman the guy is capable of taking care of her.  Confidence shows a secure guy that knows what he’s doing and can handle adversity.  Humor shows a guy who is comfortable and relaxed.  Social intelligence shows a guy is capable of making friends and enlisting the help of others.  All these things show a guy who has the resources to take care of his loved ones.

At the end of the day how a guy looks really isn’t that important (being well-groomed does matter though, but that’s a post for another day).  You’re better off working on confidence, humor, and social skills if you want to set off those triggers that lead women to feel attracted to a man.

One often overlooked way you can make yourself look more confident and even generate social acceptance is through your voice.  A guy with a strong, powerful voice can command the respect of others and display confidence simply by speaking.

Think about someone like James Bond.  No matter who plays him, they all make sure to talk in a manner that highlights his masculinity while showing a relaxed confidence.   His voice is not tense. He doesn’t rush.  He knows what he says is important enough that when he speaks, people will listen.

Here are a couple tips that will help you develop a similarly confident, powerful voice.  First, make sure that you’re taking full breaths before you speak.  What you’re saying is important, so you’ll need to have enough breath to actually say it.  It’s likely you’ll also want to talk slower.  You don’t need to rush because you know people will listen.  Also, it helps to lower the intonation of your voice, especially towards the ends of sentences.   When your voice rises (like at the end of a question) it makes you sound uncertain.  Keeping that intonation down will display confidence in what you’re saying.

Once you understand what women are genetically hardwired to find these qualities attractive it simply becomes a matter of demonstrating them.  That will lead her to want to be with you, sleep with you, and may even make the woman fall in love with you.

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Brian M - author of 194 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attracting women was something he could learn Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm Podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he’s made in his own life since the program he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.


  • anon.

    “social skills”

    Most women like quiet guys. Google for it.

    • Wayne

      I would say 50/50 some women prefer quiet guys but confidence is the more important aspect of a guy that women like

  • dE_logics

    There’s no science in this.

    What you’re talking here about is the initial attraction phase, the lust.

  • Tee

    These qualities are true. Yes, we women do like looks but mainly we notice hygiene, then humor, confidence, and social intelligence. But if you have other qualities in combination with at least one of the others, then you’re good.

  • Ngonie Forbs

    Tht was awsome man i liked it and i thnk this will help me man thnks

  • Robbie Solom

    What about wealth and status? Every man knows women are attracted to men’s wealth and status not confidence, humor and social intelligence (that’s a bunch of bullshit, don’t try to sugarcoat things). Women will marry a wealthy socially awkward shy nerd in a heartbeat.

  • monteboss

    You make a woman falling in love when you punish her when she does something wrong. It will not just gain respect but also her heart.

  • M.B.

    I think you’re misleading readers here. I am a woman and I and my girlfriends all find looks to be pretty important for a man. How important looks are depends on different individuals. We have all seen the gorgeous guy and his average-looking girlfriend as well as the gorgeous girl and her unattractive, buck-toothed boyfriend.

    Just don’t tell your readers that women don’t care about looks. It’s sexist and incorrect. A very large number of women are willing to date an attractive man with no money and a sketchy career just to be with a really handsome man. So, don’t tell us that women don’t care about looks. We absolutely do care about looks and many of us are as superficial as the average guy! The only difference is that an educated, successful man can be willing to overlook a lack of education or success in a woman but not the other way around! We women want the whole shebang!

    • john

      So essentially what you are saying is that women are way more shallow than men? Because I’m certain the statement “the only difference is that an educated, successful man can be willing to overlook a lack of education or success in a woman but not the other way around! We women want the whole shebang!”, is more shallow then anything I or any other man has ever said. You know what is the sad part about that statement? You women, especially the attractive ones, are never satisfied. Most of you “righteous” women will cheat on their husband, boyfriend, fiance, etc, in a heartbeat if you think there is someone better. Scandalous.

      • sayurijo

        M.B. is right. She is absolutely right. Men can be willing to overlook a “lower” class women just because she has big boobs, sexy, very beautiful, has sad eyes, or some fetish looks. That’s the point of being a man. And that’s why this world is a fair place for women, despite that this is a men’s world.

    • kstech

      I wonder about your age?

      • M.B.

        What does age have to do with anything? This is true for many women who are 18 to 99!

  • kurt

    Looks matter at the initial stage.. , its like icing in the cake.. at the end of day, cake matters not the icing…icing will melt and wither away..