Wayne Elise aka Juggler stops by to chat with us about building charisma.
Jordan introduces Wayne Elise from Charisma Arts and Rob Olberman, who join the crew to discuss Charisma.
To be charismatic, to have women like you, you need to be interesting, but also have an element of power or strength. If you don’t have that, no one respects you – therefore people have to be a bit scared of you. The best pickup artists are respected because people are a little afraid of them. Jordan asks Wayne (who was a street performer) what he would do with a heckler when he was performing. Wayne responds that you have to let the audience decide whether they want to acknowledge and interact with the heckler or not. If they do, then “you are done, you have played your cards – move on.” The biggest thing Wayne learned as a street performer is to know how to let the audience decide the direction of show. All of the time, however, the crowd applauded for Wayne and not the heckler – thus subtly isolating the heckler and moving the attention away from him.
AJ says that when growing up he never thought that someone could learn charisma. He instead thought of it as an innate talent, something that someone has or doesn’t have. Wayne doesn’t think of himself as a charismatic person, but as someone who understands people very well. He would tell people that his gift is that he has done a lot of thinking and has studied people. Wayne suggests that young guys are “screwed,” because older guys are calmer and more experienced, and thus women seem to go after them more. However, the biggest thing that guys can do is go out there and get a lot of experience. Younger guys find it harder than older ones because they don’t have all that wisdom and experience to draw upon. Jordan suggests that a lot of young guys are afraid to go out there and learn from people – especially people their own age, because they feel that they should know all of this already. It is difficult to hold back your ego, but it is necessary in order to learn how to meet women. Wayne suggests that, like him, most people are afraid of failure. This, however, is necessary to learn, for you need to learn how to fail in front of people in order to grow and progress.
Wayne gives the listener the first tip on charisma: be socially proactive; bring other people into your conversations. Don’t wait for them to join by their own free will. Most of the time you will get rejected, but that is natural as people aren’t used to others being so socially proactive. Most people almost always involuntarily reject you at first. Wayne suggests that social resistance is like Crème brûlée; it’s hard on the outside, but once you break through that crust its all “crème”. If it is difficult to start out with, a lot of the time that means it’s really good after you break the ice.
Wayne relates to the audience that one of his favorite authors is Jane Austen. This is because she writes a lot about social resistance and how characters eventually get around that. AJ talks about how the most desirable seductions, the ones where women open up right off the bat and take you out after a brief period of talking. While most guys want this easy connection, most of the time they turn out bad, because of the girl’s personality or the dynamics of the relationship. Wayne states that the classic trap is when girls come on too easy, since there is always a selfish reason for them to be acting so sexual (maybe they want to trick you, or take advantage of you, etc). Therefore, if a girl is nice right away, it is harder to succeed in the long run as opposed to other times. For example, when a girl really likes you, she will have a hard “crust,” because she is scared of the attraction at first. Therefore, be cautious of overly excited or happy women. Wayne: “there are girls who are nice, by the way; we call them prostitutes.”
AJ starts asking Wayne about “the Juggler model,” which is a concept that Charisma Arts employs. Wayne says that the methods of Charisma Arts evolve all the time, but ultimately, what it is about is a person being able to express themselves in a way that is attractive to other people. What Charisma Arts teaches is emotional honesty, to be the best self you can be. What was really popular in the past was learning routines, but Wayne discourages this. He emphasizes being in the moment at all times, because then anything can happen and one can adjust to new situations and circumstances as they happen. He believes that a lot of guys work way too hard in attracting girls, and put on a persona and change who they really are. Wayne asserts that articulation is pivotal to attraction, because guys need to be able to express who they really are to women.
Jordan asks Wayne to give some advice for how guys can be in the moment. He suggests slowing down and paying attention to what the other person is doing. Being in the moment is based on the belief that what you are doing and saying has value. The problem is that guys think that conversation is a one-way interaction; they fail to be relatable. When someone wants to keep the conversation going, even if they interrupt you, it means that you are doing well socially. Wayne realizes he went off on a tangent, and admits he didn’t answer Jordan’s question; “I’ll get back to you….”
Jordan moves on to Charisma Art’s “escalation theory.” Wayne says that that there are vibe escalations, like logistical (standing up/sitting down), tone, and nature of interaction. All these are changes in an interaction, and whenever you need to make a change you have to explain what the change specifically is and why it is needed. For example, a guy meets a girl in a coffee shop standing up; when we wants to sit down, he tells her “hey lest go sit down for coffee.” However this interaction doesn’t set the right tone, it is far too preemptively commanding. Asking her if she wants to sit down is also out of the question because it shows a lack of leadership. The guy needs to explain why he wants to sit down for coffee with her (“I really like you, would you like to continue this conversation over there, etc). After she says yes, the guy has to take the lead (take her hand) and go. After she “buys in,” the guy must take charge. All of this must happen at the beginning, because after some time it becomes harder and harder.
AJ suggests that the one thing that stands out in this is the statement of interest, or being clear with what you feel about the girl and letting her know this. Trying to be nice or too polite is not useful because it puts guys in the friend zone. What is needed is to be intelligently direct and to show your interest. You have to be specific and direct when talking to girls, so that they get the clear picture. Wayne relates this to what he calls the “Wolf Theory:” one should pretend that they are a Wolf on top of a hill looking over sheep. One’s job is to charge down in the valley to either eat the sheep or chase them away. It is humiliating to live alongside the sheep.
It is important to do your research with the girl to find out if she is into you or not. This must happen once again at the beginning. Wayne usually asks the relationship status of girls who become friendly with him. It is also important to pay close attention what to he calls “logistics,” which means the body language and movement of the girl. When the girl knows that you understand her situation, that you have done your research, she will feel more comfortable around you.
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