Review by Brian McCarthy
AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Man’s Guide to Dating, by a Woman | Amazon
Below is a brief summary of some of the major points of Alpha Dog by Wing Girl Kim, including what women want from a guy, what quality women want in a guy, how to have a successful date, and how to make sure you get a girl that’s right for you.
What women Want
When looking for a guy women pay attention to both his personality and how he treats her. She’s going to look at his attitude, style, and confidence to see if he’s the right kind of guy for her. And while different girls are attracted to different personality types, when it comes to how women want to be treated by the men they date Kim argues that all women want the same thing. They are all looking for a guy who will treat them with respect, consideration, and integrity.
Respect and consideration are pretty self-explanatory. You want to show her she’s important to you. Let her see that you’re attuned to her wants/needs/desires and look to take care of them. Basically, just treat her like the amazing girl she is.
But be careful – some guys take this to mean they need to obsess over every little thing and constantly show her how much they respect her. Women don’t want a guy who sucks up to them. They want a guy who also has his own shit to focus on and his own life to live. So while you want to treat her with respect and consideration, that doesn’t mean you have to focus on her all-day-every-day.
As for integrity, this basically means that women want a guy who is true to his word. A guy who tells her he’ll do something…and then does it. Women hate when a guy is wishy-washy, always changes his mind, and is willing to compromise his beliefs in order to appease others. They respect a guy who’s honest and up-front even if they disagree with him. By staying true to yourself and your beliefs she can at least feel secure in knowing she can trust you. Without trust, you won’t get anywhere.
What women DON’T want
Throughout the book Kim brings up some common mistakes guys make with women. One thing that guys can avoid that will dramatically improve their relationships with women is how to handle a girl when she starts acting irrationally. When a girl acts this way don’t try and fix it. Don’t sit there and logically show her she’s being irrational. You just have to let it play out. It sucks, but any other approach is only going to make it worse. Wait until she’s in a more relaxed headspace before you look to sort out the issue (if it’s still an issue).
One Quality All Guys Must Develop
There’s one quality that gets brought up again and again throughout the book. Every girl is attracted to it, so every guy should work to cultivate and embody it. That quality is leadership.
Put simply leadership is the ability to influence others. Kim argues that a real leader doesn’t lead by using fear or intimidation. Rather, real leadership is about psychological strength and cooperation. It’s a quality that any guy can cultivate and demonstrate.
In addition to influencing others there are certain characteristics great leaders have. Below are just five of the leadership characteristics Kim mentioned. By showing these features women will see that you have what it takes to be a leader.
- Leaders look to take care of others. Kim references actual Alpha dogs quite a bit throughout the book and mentions how pack leaders will let the pups eat first when food is available. Be like the Alpha dog and ensure that those around you are taken care of.
- Admit what you don’t know and be able to take criticism. Good leaders know they’re not perfect and don’t pretend to be. They’re not afraid to show their flaws and are willing to learn from their mistakes.
- Take initiative. If something needs to be done don’t sit around waiting for permission or hoping somebody else takes care of it. Figure out what needs to be done, do it, and own up to whatever outcome unfolds. Even if you mess up that fact that you were decisive will earn the respect of women and generate attraction.
- Become externally motivated. Look to make a positive impact on the world and those around you. When you go up to a woman don’t be focused on what she can do for you, focus on what you can do for her. Your motivation to spend time with her shouldn’t be about satisfying your own wants/needs/desires, but satisfying those things in her.
- Don’t react emotionally to a situation, but instead respond intelligently. The guy who responds emotionally comes across as afraid, lacking confidence, and unable to control himself. The guy who is able to respond intelligently shows he has the strength to go through life impacting the world as he sees fit.
Finding the Right Girl
Let’s face it, you’re probably not going to get into a meaningful relationship with a girl you meet at a bar or club. It could happen but it’s pretty rare. So instead of looking to meet your next girlfriend at 1am over shots of Vodka amongst a sea of drunks, Kim suggests looking elsewhere.
The place you go to meet women should fit two criteria. First off, look to meet women at places and environments where you feel comfortable. Adding on the pressure of meeting women to a situation in which you’re already uncomfortable and trying to adjust is asking too much of yourself. Stick to places where you feel comfortable and it’ll make the whole process much, much easier.
Secondly look to meet women somewhere where there is an activity going on. There’s a lot less pressure on the interaction if your conversation is secondary to whatever else is taking place. If you like to spend time at a park, museum, sporting event, or classes of any kind, use these as opportunities to meet women with similar interests.
If you’ve found a girl you’re interested in but she denies your invitation for a date, don’t give up. You shouldn’t pester her every day, but every now and then respectfully let her know you’re still interested in spending more time with her. So long as there isn’t a ring on her finger or she hasn’t asked you to stop, you can keep trying. You never know when she might change her mind.
After all just because a girl declines your invitation doesn’t mean she’s not somewhat interested in you. She might be intrigued but doesn’t know you well enough to feel comfortable meeting up with you just yet. Or she may simply not know how she feels about you. In either situation there are two things that can help you: time and exposure. She needs more time to sort out her feelings to figure what she thinks of you. Additionally if she’s able to spend more time seeing and talking to you, even if it’s these moments are brief, she’ll become more comfortable around you.
But don’t get content perusing that one girl, either. Remember this is about finding the right girl for you. That’s why Kim suggests you need to get out there and date a bunch of different women so you can learn what you want. If you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for you’re more likely to settle for the wrong girl.
Finding the right girl means focusing your time on getting to know different woman. So when you’re with a girl don’t just focus on whether or not you’re making a good impression. Pay attention to how she treats and interacts with others. Learn her thoughts on subjects that matter to you. Have your own standards that she needs to live up to and if she can’t, move on.
If you’re having trouble getting specific on the types of traits and qualities that matter to you Kim this online personality test. It’ll give you a deeper understanding of your own personality and a better idea of the kinds of traits that may be compatible with you.
Dating Like A Boss
Kim mentions how “most women don’t experience extraordinary dates”. And while she stresses that not all dates – especially the first one –need to be filled with romance, she does offer some helpful advice on what a girl is looking for in a date.
For starters, when asking a girl out, be clear and direct. You want her to know exactly what your intent is. Straight up saying “I’d like to take you out on a date” let’s her know your intent. Something vague like “let’s go to the movies” makes her question what’s happening. She might be thinking you’re just going as friends, which is going to lead to some awkwardness down the road.
Also, don’t ask for permission to take her on a date. No “can I take you out?” nonsense. It’s much stronger to say “I’d like to take you on a date”. She’ll let you know either way, but the first way sounds more supplicate and needy while the second sounds much more alpha.
When you do finally ask the girl out you don’t want to have it be some loose plan for some undisclosed time in the future. Give her the place and time you’d like to get together. If it doesn’t fit her schedule then adjust accordingly. It’s good to have an idea in your head of exactly what activity you’d like to do together. It’s much easier to invite a girl out if you actually have something to invite her to – and the activity may make the offer more enticing.
Finally, the best way to make sure a girl says “yes” to your invitation is to ask at the right time. Lots of times guys will ask a girl out on a date as a way to gauge how interested she is in him. The ideal time to ask a girl out however, is when you already know she wants to be asked out. Taking things slow with a girl – getting on friendly terms and allowing her to build trust in you before asking her out – can often be a great foundation to form a strong and lasting relationship.
Once you’re out on a date remember the purpose of why you’re out. If you see the date just as a means to an ends, or think you’re just going through the motions of what you need to do, then it’s not going to go well. Your dates should have some kind of personal intent – you want to get to know her more and to see if there’s a connection.
As the date goes along, you can gauge how it’s going by her body language and how she responds to you. If your flirting and she doesn’t flirt back, or if you notice she freezes up anytime you touch her, those are big warning signs that she’s not feeling it. Take a step back and slow down. Establish more comfort and rapport before trying to get physical/flirty again.
When the date ends, if you haven’t already kissed her you’ll no doubt be wondering if you can or should. You can gauge her interest in kissing you by standing close to her and looking into her eyes without talking. If she looks back and holds your gaze, go for it. She’s ready for the kiss.
As you continue dating it’s in your best interest to take things slow. A lot of guys will look to rush into bed with the girl as quickly as possible. One problem with becoming intimate with someone that quickly is you don’t really know who you’re dealing with. She might be emotionally unstable, super clingy, or just bat-shit crazy. So before you take her home be sure to get to know her. Take her out a few times and on a variety of different dates. The wider the variety of dates, the more you’ll get to learn about her.
Conclusion
It’s always good to know the female perspective on dating. Having a deeper understanding of what is going on inside a woman’s head will give a guy a big leg up in his dating life. This book has no shortage of insights that will help any guy better understand the dating scene. There’s a bunch of information I didn’t even touch on – like details on how to use personality types to find the right girl – that can be helpful and interesting. If you like the idea of having your own personal wing girl there to coach you through the dating process, pick up your copy of AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Man’s Guide to Dating, by a Woman | Amazon
Get your copy of AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Man’s Guide to Dating, by a Woman | Amazon
