How To Resolve Conflict Like A Martial Artist with Judy Ringer (Ep. #790)

Conflict resolution is not a skillset that comes naturally for most of us because our egos will always want to defend us by proving we’re correct at the expense of actually working to a resolution, so what can we do to understand the psychology of conflict resolution and improve our conflict resolution skills?

What to Listen For

  • What core psychological principles cause unnecessary conflict and what can you do to deal with them?
  • What are the different phases of conflict resolution?
  • What can you do to develop the skills required for effective conflict resolution and how can they save you from sabotaging your jobs, friends, or relationship?
  • How did Judy Ringer get her start in conflict resolution?
  • During conflict, why do we default to wanting to be right instead of being curious about the other side, and what can we do to flip that switch so we can deal with conflict more effectively?
  • How can using open questions instead of statements or closed questions lead to an environment better suited for conflict resolution?
  • What does it mean to take responsibility for a conflict even if you’re not actually at fault for what happened?
  • How do you reflect on recent conflicts in order to learn from them and develop your conflict resolution skills?
  • What can you do to journal your conflict resolution journey in a way that helps you grow?
  • What simple tips can you implement to start redirecting conflict toward resolution rather than escalation?
  • As a manager, how do you ask the right questions when trying to resolve a conflict between your employees?
  • What markers can you look for to detect conflict under the surface that might not be apparent at first glance so you know when to step in and stop a spark from growing into a wildfire?


Conflict resolution is a skill most of us have to work on intentionally and consistently because our default as humans is to “resolve” conflicts by proving we’re right rather than trying to understand both sides and come to an actual resolution cooperatively. The best place to start is by recognizing the moment a conflict arises and making the decision to ask questions instead of proving you’re right.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 697 – High Value Conflict Resolution

Judy Ringer

Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace

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AJ Harbinger - author of 1174 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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