About Judy Ringer
Judy Ringer founded Power & Presence Training and Portsmouth Aikido in New Hampshire. She holds a third-degree black belt in aikido and uses its principles to teach conflict, communication and presentation skills. She is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict and Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace.
Key takeaways
- Unresolved conflict at work builds resentment and costs organizations heavily in lost productivity.
- Many managers are promoted for reasons that have nothing to do with handling conflict, so they’re never trained in it.
- You don’t have to choose between “my way or the highway” and giving in. Assertiveness means being powerful and kind.
- Repeat back what you heard before you respond. It shows the other person they were heard and checks your assumptions.
- When mediating, go in without judgment and expect something good to come out of it.
- Conflict resolution is a set of skills anyone can learn.
- What core psychological principles cause unnecessary conflict and what can you do to deal with them?
- What are the different phases of conflict resolution?
- What can you do to develop the skills required for effective conflict resolution and how can they save you from sabotaging your jobs, friends, or relationship?
- How did Judy Ringer get her start in conflict resolution?
- During conflict, why do we default to wanting to be right instead of being curious about the other side, and what can we do to flip that switch so we can deal with conflict more effectively?
- How can using open questions instead of statements or closed questions lead to an environment better suited for conflict resolution?
- What does it mean to take responsibility for a conflict even if you’re not actually at fault for what happened?
- How do you reflect on recent conflicts in order to learn from them and develop your conflict resolution skills?
- What can you do to journal your conflict resolution journey in a way that helps you grow?
- What simple tips can you implement to start redirecting conflict toward resolution rather than escalation?
- As a manager, how do you ask the right questions when trying to resolve a conflict between your employees?
- What markers can you look for to detect conflict under the surface that might not be apparent at first glance so you know when to step in and stop a spark from growing into a wildfire?
Conflict resolution is a skill most of us have to work on intentionally and consistently because our default as humans is to “resolve” conflicts by proving we’re right rather than trying to understand both sides and come to an actual resolution cooperatively. The best place to start is by recognizing the moment a conflict arises and making the decision to ask questions instead of proving you’re right. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Need a stylish, lightweight, and durable suitcase with a 100-day money-back guarantee? Away creates thoughtful products designed to change how you see the world. For $20 off a suitcase, visit awaytravel.com and use discount promo code CHARM20 during checkout! Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com. This Fall, start a new monthly routine that’ll upgrade your life and style with a Box of Awesome from Bespoke Post. Bespoke Post sends guys only the best stuff, every month. So whether you’re looking to craft your own hard-cider or toast perfectly aged Fall cocktails—Box of Awesome has you covered. Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at BoxOfAwesome.com and enter the special discount code AOC at checkout. That’s Box of Awesome dot com, special discount code AOC for 20% off your first box. Resources from this Episode Episode 697 – High Value Conflict Resolution Judy Ringer Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube
Best quotes from Judy Ringer
“Billions of dollars in wasted productivity because of conflict in the workplace.”
Judy Ringer, 11:13
“It can be both powerful and kind.”
Judy Ringer, 12:02
“That’s what assertiveness is really. It’s being powerful and kind at the same time.”
Judy Ringer, 12:02
“It helps if you acknowledge what you hear. That’s the secret, really.”
Judy Ringer, 32:54
“The non-judgment is what allows the person to tell their story and to feel heard.”
Judy Ringer, 56:08
Staying calm and staying kind under pressure is a trainable skill. The X-Factor Accelerator is where we train it, along with the presence that makes people actually listen.
FAQ
Who is Judy Ringer?
A conflict and communication trainer, founder of Power & Presence Training and Portsmouth Aikido, and author of Unlikely Teachers.
How does aikido apply to conflict resolution?
Instead of meeting force with force, you blend with the other person’s energy and redirect it. In conversation, that means listening, acknowledging and then steering toward a solution.
How should a manager mediate a conflict between employees?
Judy suggests meeting each person, listening without taking sides, helping them see the conflict as a skills gap rather than a character flaw, and asking open questions.
What is the difference between assertive and aggressive?
Being assertive, in Judy’s words, is being powerful and kind at the same time. Aggression drops the kindness.
Related reading
- The Ultimate Guide to High-Value Conflict Resolution
- Productive Conflict: How to Disagree Like a Champion
- Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution in the Modern Age (Steven Collis)
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