Episode #72: Adam Lyons, Naturally Generate Attraction

Adam Lyons from AttractionExplained.com stops by to give us his insight on breaking rapport and generating attraction naturally.

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Show Notes:

PUP # 72

Adam Lyons from Attractionexplained.com joins Jordan and AJ to talk about social values, breaking rapport, and generating attraction.

Jordan starts off the conversation by discussing generating high value in a venue by bringing attractive women and taking the place over.  Jordan says that he is a fan of this and compliments Adam on his ability to take over venues.  Adam responds by telling Jordan a story in which, after he got a nine (out of ten) girl, the next day he went out and did cold approach to a seven girl, and got blown off.  Adam was hurt by this: “I was gutted, just blown out”  He figured that what he needed to do was introduce the seven to the nine, so he realized that he had to create situations in which the girls could see the other girls he hooks up, to demonstrate  his high value.  Eventually the nightclubs started to pay Adam to pick up women and bring them back.  He and his friends had to bring a minimum of thirty girls to get paid.  By the end of it, Adam started recruiting students and training them to pick up  women for him for the nightclubs.  His best night was his birthday, where he used a combination of internet sites and his friends to get two hundred and fifty girls in the club.

Adam and Jordan both relate how the girls they hang out with introduce them to more girls – everything is every causal and there are little or no problems when everyone because everyone is honest. Jordan goes on to say that most men in New York don’t know how to be honest with all the girls they know.  The point here is to realize that girls are exactly like guys, and guys should talk to them just like they would anyone else.  Adam goes on to tell a story about a friend who came out to visit him in London and let in two women who tried to get with him.  Adam, who at that point had a girlfriend, found himself fending off these women – a situation that he once never thought he would find himself in.

Jordan bluntly asks Adam what makes him so attractive.  Adam wishes he knew; he humbly states that he is nothing special.  There is nothing particularly attractive about him except for the attractive women he surrounds himself with.  When he first started being a pickup artist he didn’t get any ill feelings or jealousy from other guys.  But nowadays, he acquires much disdain from guys who are envious of his abilities.  Jordan relates this to his own experiences with people who don’t like him and says that most times he is too busy to pay attention to these “haters”.  Adam goes on to talk about how social dynamics has been stereotyped as a field where people teach you pickup lines and openers.  But that is not the case, because it is not mainly only about getting women, as opposed to being able to socialize and articulate in a powerful ways, and increasing your self-value.  Jordan takes this opportunity to plug Pickup-podcast, as being a total of 75 hours of advice free online as opposed to the overpriced “manuals” that other social dynamics companies offer.

Adam discusses a project he is planning to do in the future in which he films twenty approaches and sees how numbers he gets off of women.  This isn’t to show people Adam’s skills, as opposed to showing them that cold pick ups don’t yield results.  While women might give out their phone numbers, they will not follow up.  Jordan relays to the audience that while it is possible to get a girls number in very little time ( less than one minute), this skill isn’t useful because usually nothing comes of it.  Adam is so sick of mainstream pickup techniques that he plans on teaching attraction more seriously to his students – he even intends to go back to school to get a masters or a PhD in psychology with emphasis on attraction.  Adam wants to make inroads in psychology and change the way that people view social dynamics and attraction.  Adam says that for the rest of his life, he wants to teach game, but not necessarily as a pick-up artist.  Jordan relates to the feeling of being over the whole club pick-up scene and wanting to focus on teaching people the art of attraction and social growth.  Adam responds that the “flash game guys,” men who know how to work the clubs and get attention from women, don’t know how to relate well to women and close the deal.  Adam once had a student who was great at the club scene, but could not take a girl home because he didn’t know anything about closing the deal, only flashy pickup lines and techniques.

Adam discusses how one of his pickup artists’ friends was unable to understand why he was in a serious relationship.  Adam says that the ‘Hugh Hefner lifestyle” is fun, but one cannot do it all the time.   He entered into a relationship because he, for once, felt a special connection to his current girlfriend.  Jordan says that it is a part of the natural evolution of a guy to go through the phase of wanting to get all the women and all the sex they possibly can.  But that phase always is transitory, guys need to fill a hole in their ego or prove to themselves that they get women that they want.   One cannot do this for their whole lives – after a certain amount of time it becomes exhausting and unfulfilling.

Adam states that the real trick to life is adding value to others.  Being negative is never helpful and is, at all times, a complete waste of time.  It is important to do something constructive and be pro-active as opposed to being destructive and reactive.  Genuinely adding value to others is the most rewardingly experience you can have in the world.  Jordan and Adam discuss how they value giving free content to people in order to spread their lessons and advice.  Adam even shocked an audience once by suggesting that they download his book for free.

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AJ Harbinger - author of 1161 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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