The Art of Charm (@TheArtofCharm) trio of Johnny, AJ, and Jordan talk about the four components of a first impression that begin even before the first words are exchanged: static, dynamic, self-presentation, and circumstance.
“You can’t become a positive blip on someone’s radar if they can’t see you.” -AJ Harbinger
The Cheat Sheet:
- There are four components that go into making a first impression before first words are even exchanged.
- Static: This is your physique and the exercise, nutrition, and sleep that go into maintaining it.
- Dynamic: Your body language and not only what it communicates to others, but how it affects the way you feel about yourself.
- Self-Presentation: What you wear, how you wear it, and the grooming that demonstrates at least a basic understanding of style and hygiene.
- Circumstance: Where you spend your time and with whom you choose to spend it.
- And so much more…
We’ve all heard the old adage that you never get a second chance to make a good first impression. What we hear less of is actionable advice we can use to actually make this happen — but that’s what we’re here to remedy.
In this toolbox episode of The Art of Charm, Johnny, AJ, and Jordan discuss the four components of a first impression that begin even before first words are exchanged and what we can do to maximize their impact and make sure that first impression is a positive one.
Please Scroll down for Full Show Notes and Featured Resources!
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More About This Show
So you came to check out this AoC toolbox episode because you want to make a good first impression on someone. You can be the smoothest speaker in the world, but it’s important to understand this simple fact: any first impression is usually made before verbalization even occurs. Think of an attractive stranger who enters the bar where you and your friends are socializing. She or he doesn’t have to say a word: heads start to turn as soon as that door opens.
It’s not magic. It’s a utilization of these four components of a first impression — and it works for anyone who learns and heeds their unspoken power. Let’s dig in!
Four Components of a First Impression
This is your physique and what you do to maintain it. We’re not going to lie: of course looks matter — but genetics are only part of the equation. Don’t count yourself out just because you didn’t emerge from the womb with the DNA of whatever movie or pop star TMZ sees fit to chase down this week. Here’s what you can do to make the most of whatever raw materials you’ve got to work with.
- Exercise: These days, most of us could do with adding a little more motion to the routine — especially if we’re stuck behind a desk for the majority of our work day. Not only will exercise enhance our physicality, but it will make us feel better and more confident thanks to the stimulation of brain chemistry like testosterone, dopamine, and serotonin. In fact, it only takes 90 minutes of heavy exercise a week to significantly increase testosterone production.
- Nutrition: Everyone from your mother to your doctor to your high school gym teacher has said it: you are what you eat. Advice about what constitutes a positive dietary regimen is as varied as there are flavors of ice cream, but reducing your sugar and carb intake if you eat like a typical American is a good place to start. Oh, and probably ice cream.
- Sleep: When he was on the show, sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus perhaps said it best: “Everything you do, you do better with a good night’s sleep.” If you’re sleepy and lethargic, you’re not going to feel good about yourself, and you’re probably not going to make an optimal first impression on anyone you meet. Getting to sleep is often easier said than done, though — make sure you have a comfortable mattress that helps rather than hinders your efforts, reduce your bedtime blue light exposure, and regulate your bedroom temperature accordingly.
This is your body language and not only what it communicates to others, but how it affects the way you feel about yourself.
Believe it or not, forcing yourself to smile when you’re in a lousy mood can turn that mood around. You’ve heard the phrase fake it till you make it? Confident body language makes you look the part and feel the part.
“The easiest way to do this is what we call a body check,” says Jordan. “I do this any time I enter a room. So every single doorway I walk through, I simply stand up tall as if there’s a string holding up my head. So my spine is nice and straight. I take my arms, shoulders, and I just roll them back, so my arms are at my sides. My chest is open, and I put a smile on my face. Then I grab the door handle and walk in the room. Just that one, two, three body check every single time I enter a room sends out that positive blip to everyone in the vicinity.”
This is what you wear, how you wear it, and the grooming that demonstrates at least a basic understanding of style and hygiene.
When it comes to what we’re wearing, there are some very basic rules we can follow if we want to make a good first impression.
- Fit: Do your pants fit? Does your shirt fit?
- Showcase: Does your style showcase your personality in some way? Does your wardrobe tell a story about who you are? For instance, when AJ wears a Burton t-shirt, most people can pick up on his love for snowboarding.
Nothing conveys a sense of low self-esteem like infrequent bathing and haphazard grooming. If you want to date outside the boxcar circuit, think beyond hobo chic. How attractive did you find the last person who sat next to you on the subway smelling like a chicken coop? Cleanliness is next to sexiness. Pay attention to your grooming and you’ll make a much better first impression on anyone you meet — plus you’ll feel better about approaching others.
When you’re out and about, don’t go lurking in a dark corner away from where the action is. Positioning yourself in a high traffic area of a venue makes you more visible and likeable. Proximity to others makes it easy to strike up conversations without either party having to go out of their way.
What are our surroundings when we’re out? Other people. You’re judged based on the company you keep. If all of your friends are closed off, looking at the floor, and uninterested, it doesn’t matter if you’re high energy. You’ve got a big smile on your face. You run over there to talk to someone. Best believe they’re going to look at your group and say, “Oh. No.” Paying close attention to who you spend your time with is important. It says a lot about you.
As Jim Rohn famously said, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
If you enjoyed this session with The Art of Charm, let them know by clicking on the link below and sending them a quick shout out at Twitter:
Resources from This Episode:
- 9 Body Hacks to Naturally Increase Testosterone by Dr. Joseph Mercola, Peak Fitness
- The Morning Testosterone Booster by Ryan Stuart, Men’s Journal
- Does Too Much Testosterone Make Men Behave Irresponsibly? by Jonathan Wells, The Telegraph
- How Testosterone Affects Risk-Taking in Adolescent Boys and Girls by Lisa M.P. Munoz, Cognitive Neuroscience Society
- The Food-Mood Connection by Jack Challem, Experience Life
- The Neurochemicals of Happiness by Christopher Bergland, Psychology Today
- Hacking Into Your Happy Chemicals: Dopamine, Serotonin, Endorphins, and Oxytocin by Thai Nguyen, HuffPost
- The Food and Mood Connection by Jennifer K. Nelson and Katherine Zeratsky, Mayo Clinic
- Sugar and the Brain by Scott Edwards, Harvard Medical School
- What Eating Too Much Sugar Does to Your Brain by David DiSalvo, Psychology Today
- The Best Mattress for a Better Night’s Sleep by Stephanie Watson, WebMD
- Can a Mattress Really Impact Your Sleep? by Dr. Robert Oexman, HuffPost
- Blue Light Hazardous to Sleep, but Helpful While Awake by Michael J Breus, Psychology Today
- Blue Light Has a Dark Side, Harvard Health Letter
- Effects of Thermal Environment on Sleep and Circadian Rhythm by Kazue Okamoto-Mizuno and Koh Mizuno, Journal of Physiological Anthropology
- Can’t Sleep? Adjust the Temperature by Kathleen Doheny, WebMD
- What One Night of Sleep Loss Can Do to You, Sleep Junkie
- Negative Effects of Restricted Sleep on Facial Appearance and Social Appeal by Tina Sundelin, Mats Lekander, Kimmo Sorjonen, and John Axelsson, Royal Society Open Science
- How Your Body Language Influences Your Thinking, NeuroNation
- How Your Body Language Alters Your State of Mind By Simon Oxenham, Big Think
- Yet Another Reason to Watch Your Body Language: It Can Make You Happier by Jessica Stillman, Inc.
- Body and Facial Expressions Influence Mood by C. Philip, Body Language Project
- There’s Magic In Your Smile — How Smiling Affects Your Brain by Ronald E Riggio, Psychology Today
- The Ripple Effect of a Smile by Todd Smith, Little Things Matter
- Some Examples of How Power Posing Can Actually Boost Your Confidence by Kate Torgovnick May, TED Blog
- Standing Up For Confidence — A Quick Tip to Improve Confidence by Alex Korb, Psychology Today
- Open Body Language, Changing Minds
- How a Shirt Should Fit — The Principles of Fit by Nicholas Taverna, Primer
- How Pants Should Fit — The Principles of Fit by Nicholas Taverna, Primer
- The Psychology of Dressing Well (and Why You Must to Get Anywhere in Life) by Tyler Tervooren, Riskology
- What Your Clothes Say About You, Forbes
- 3 Ways to Raise Your Beauty Self-Esteem by Vivian Diller, Psychology Today
- Grooming & Men’s Self-Esteem by Alex Bracetti, askmen
- Power of Personal Appearance by Judith Rasband, Institute of Image Management
- Being Beautiful or Handsome Is Easier Than You Think! by Jeremy Nicholson, Psychology Today
- Inspiring a Life of Immersion by Jacqueline Novogratz, TED Talk
- The Proximity Principle: Innovation, Face-to-Face by Tom Morris, HuffPost
- Understanding Effects of Proximity on Collaboration: Implications for Technologies to Support Remote Collaborative Work by Robert E. Kraut, Susan R. Fussell, Susan E. Brennan, and Jane Siegel
- Friendships: Enrich Your Life and Improve Your Health, Mayo Clinic
- 5 Surprising Ways Your Friends Influence You, Backed by Science by Amy Morin, HuffPost
- How Your Circle of Friends Influence Who You Become by Simon Alexander Ong
You’ll Also Like:
- The Art of Charm Challenge (click here or text AOC to 38470 in the US)
- The Art of Charm Bootcamps
- Elite Human Dynamics
- Best of The Art of Charm Podcast
- The Art of Charm Toolbox
- The Art of Charm Toolbox for Women
- Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here!
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