“Why don’t girls like me?” It’s a common question men ask themselves. I advise men to stop ruminating on why women may not like them. Instead, begin focusing on how to improve yourself and grow your confidence. Once you get that ball rolling, you’re going to see all kinds of changes in your life, including, but not limited to, women.
Work on Yourself: Get Physical
Working on yourself always comes with benefits. Physical exercise is also a very effective way to deal with “negative” emotions. Take all the energy that you’re spending beating yourself up and channel it toward self-improvement. Start by hitting the gym and getting physical. Science testifies to the positive effects exercise has on your confidence and overall mental state of being. Exorcise all the negative self-talk with a good workout.
Work on Yourself: Get Social
There’s more to a social life than just meeting women. Get your sea legs by getting out there and being social in general. Check out meetups and other social activities built around interests and passions of yours. It will get you used to being social and build your confidence, in turn making you more attractive to members of the opposite sex. More to the point, it’s just a fun and constructive way to spend your time, and that’s always the name of the game.
If You Don’t Buy a Ticket, You Can’t Win
When you see a woman you want to talk to, don’t delay. Instead, move immediately after seeing her. Don’t worry about messing things up or getting blown out of the water. We have a saying at The Art of Charm: If you’re not messing things up, you aren’t doing it right. It’s worth considering what this means for a minute.
Think of the greatest baseball players of all time in terms of batting averages. Ty Cobb batted a god-like .366. Babe Ruth, a man whose name is nearly synonymous with greatness and the game, batted a .342. Last year’s batting champion, Buster Posey, battled a .327. This means that in baseball, the greatest players fail nearly two thirds of the time that they try.
It also means that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself if you get blown out of the water half the time. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket and you can’t meet women without risking rejection. High risk, high reward is the name of the game. You’re up to the task. It’s just a matter of getting your at bats in.
Creating an Abundance Mentality
One thing that will help you while you’re getting your rookie season out of the way is an abundance mentality. This is a form of “acting as if.” What I mean by this is that you should act as if you already have a smartphone full of numbers of the most beautiful, intelligent and desirable women in the world. You don’t need to get any phone numbers when you go out. You’re just talking to women for the fun of it. If one comes along that meets your standards, all the better.
Act as if is backed by solid science. If you fake it today, you will make it tomorrow. It takes some practice and no small amount of hard work. But I truly believe that every man has the ability to be a man of social abundance — the type of man that women want and men want to be. It’s inside you. It’s just a question of unlocking it. Abundance mentality will start untethering the social beast inside.
One of the best ways to get yourself meeting women is to set goals. Start with a goal to talk to a certain number of women in a night. Then set a goal for how many phone numbers you want to get in a night. Finally, start setting goals for how many dates you want to go on in a week or a month. Setting measurable, realistic goals will prove to you that there are women who like you and will in turn bolster your confidence, making you more attractive to women.
It’s a not-so-vicious cycle: The more confident you get, the more women like you and the more confident you get. You might need a little help getting the engine started, but once you do, you’re going to be a dangerous man.