The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it. We’ve talked here immensely about asking for what you want and how high value people are comfortable doing so. They are fine whether they get what they want or not. They would rather leave an interaction knowing that they went for what they wanted than wondering, “What if?”
Why be scared to ask for what you want? Is it because you might be seen as weird? We all have quirks. Is it the rejection? Well I’d rather be rejected than not ask for what I really wanted.
Everyone has kinks, quarks, fetishes and weird things they are into. You may think you are the only one who thinks this way. Truth is, you are not. There are sick, crazy weird people just like you and they get off on things that you get off on. The problem is, you are afraid to talk about it.
Everyone wants to experiment and everyone has needs, wants and desires. The best relationships are the ones that explore these fantasies together. Being young is all about exploring and most partners will be happy to participate as long as they feel safe. They just want someone who will help them facilitate the fantasy. If you are open and fun,you can be the one she is willing to explore with.
To be able to have an exploratory conversation about these kinks, you have to set up a platform where both parties feel safe about sharing. This is important. Without this, people can feel judged or vulnerable. To set this up you cannot be judgmental. You can’t make fun of people for how they play. This only makes things uncomfortable for your partner to share.
Keep the initial conversations light. By doing that your partner will be able to banter back on the subject. If she is having fun with it you can be assured that the subject can be looked into further.
When you are in bed together exploring each other’s bodies, ask her what she wants. Allow her to answer; she will want to do the same thing for you. Sex is supposed to be somewhat of a mutual exchange. There is giving and taking on both sides. Let me do something special for you and in exchange that you would do something special for me.
Open up about what you want first. This will allow her to feel comfortable sharing. When you open up first, others will want to share as well. In fact sometimes they will share because it can seem unfair not to.
Be careful what you ask for.
Perhaps you might need to explore a few of her fantasies before she feels comfortable in a few of yours. Remember, you might be asked to return the favor as well.
If you want a weekend pass to be with some other women, you better be comfortable with her asking for the same. If you think exploring some back door activities would be fun she might ask you how open you would be to it. I personally know for myself, that’s a non-starter.
Have your rules for how you want to handle things and don’t pressure anyone into doing anything they are uncomfortable with. If you think bringing other girls into the mix is intriguing to you, she might want to explore the same with a male friend. If you are not cool with that, let her know. She might be down for having it your way, but you can’t throw a fit when you bring it up and she asks for the same.
Throw it out there see what things are on both of your plates and what can be mutually explored between the both of you happily. Those who play together stay together.
You would be surprised what you find yourself doing if you just ask.