You’ve heard it a million times before: Confidence is the key to how to make a woman want you. What you might not know is why this is the case or even how you can develop confidence. Well, I’m here with some good news: First, confidence is the way to win over just about anyone — male, female or other — over. Science confirms it. Another thing that science confirms? Not only is confidence something that you can learn, “real” confidence and “fake” confidence aren’t any different from an external viewpoint. Read on to learn more about the science of confidence as it pertains to attraction.
Confidence Is a Piece of CAKE
First I’d like to introduce one of the core concepts of The Art of Charm method. We call it the CAKE Equation:
(C)onfidence = (A)ttitude + (K)nowledge + (E)xperience
- Attitude refers to our mental state. It’s the ability to stay positive, even in the face of temporary setbacks. Positivity opens you up, while negativity shuts you down.
- Knowledge refers to using your social skills and learned confidence. It’s about how you implement the things that you know.
- Experience is the things that you learn personally through your own practice. It’s how you adapt to setbacks and what you take away from them.
Confidence is the sum total of all of these things. Your attitude allows you to make the most of your knowledge and learn from your experience. Knowledge shows you how to cultivate the right attitude and apply your experience. Experience is what you gain from having the right attitude and properly analyzing your knowledge. Add all of these things up and you can become a social superman.
The Power of Confidence in Action
Psychology Today reports on a hilariously interesting phenomenon. A study, reported on in International Journal of Cosmetic Science found that men who were sprayed with Lynx (think of it as a British version of AXE Body Spray) had far more success than those who were not when it came to creating attraction with women. Here’s the punch line: the women selected the men on the basis of head shots and videos. That’s right: The women in question couldn’t even smell them.
While women rated men on the basis of headshots consistently in terms of attractiveness, the videos told a different story; Men wearing the body spray were consistently rated as more attractive than those who were not. This isn’t because of some magical property inherent in the body spray. On the contrary, the only “magical property” is the confidence that the men felt from smelling good. If you’re wondering how to make a woman want you, this is the power of confidence in action.
Charisma Can Now Be Measured
It’s a strange world that we live in these days. Confidence can now actually be measured using a device called a sociometer. Reported on in Oprah Magazine, this device doesn’t track what you say, just how you say it, including tone of voice and body language. When discussing the sociometer, MIT computer scientist Alex Pentland, Ph.D., states that a successful business proposal is less about giving all of the details and more about sounding like an expert, displaying enthusiasm and showing interest in what the other person has to say.
It’s more than just how other people “feel,” however. There’s an objective component to confidence. CNN reports that short men who display confidence are often perceived by women to be several inches taller than they actually are. This means that no matter what you think your limitations are, you can overcome them, given a strong assist from confidence. So how do you make confidence happen?
Act As If
There’s a longstanding principle of self-improvement called “act as if.” Also known as “fake it until you make it,” this basically means that you pretend to have the qualities that you want to have until you actually have them. Some of you might think this is silly, but the jury isn’t out on it anymore: Science confirms that “act as if” works whether you believe in it or not.
Strap yourself into your seat for a real mind trip: The University of Chicago did a study on basketball free throws. Here’s how it worked:
- One group did nothing. This was the control group.
- The second group practiced their free throws for an hour every day for a month.
- The second group just visualized themselves making free throws.
The first group didn’t improve at all. The second group improved by 24 percent. The final group improved by 23 percent. Again, this was the group who did nothing more but visualize themselves making successful free throws.
Take some time out every day to imagine yourself as a more confident person. Or better yet, do one of these simple exercises that help you to project confidence to others and yourself.
Exercise 1: Body Language
There are two things that make up killer body language that projects confidence to everyone around you. The first is your posture, the second, your smile.
- Posture: You should stand up straight with your shoulders back and relaxed.
- Smile: Smile with your whole face, not just your mouth; Crinkle the corners around your eyes.
Do this from the second that you enter a room and hold it. If you find yourself slipping, simply correct your posture and facial expression. Note the results.
Exercise 2: Social Confidence
This is an easy and fun way to project social confidence to others. Set a goal for the night for how many high fives or glass clinks you can get in a single night. Depending on how many people there are out at the bar or club, this can be between five and 50. Make the goal something attainable, but also stretch yourself.
Exercise 3: Approaching Immediately
This one is a bit more advanced. You want to approach a woman that you see and are interested in immediately. Don’t wait, don’t get your confidence together, just take a deep breath and head on over there. This shows you as a decisive and confident man who goes after what he wants, and who already knows how to make a woman want you.