Confidence, dating and your body are closely related. In fact, mastering the connection between the three can seriously create a quantum leap in your dating life. There are no magic bullets when it comes to dating, but using the relationship between confidence, body and dating is about as close as it comes.
Confidence: What It Is, Why Women Like It
Confidence is one of those things that seems to top every reader’s poll on what women like the most. But what is confidence and, more importantly, why do women like it?
Basically, confidence is a sense of feeling good enough on your own, without the need for external validation. When you don’t need other people to tell you that you’re OK, there are few things that can knock you down. You’re not looking for anything from other people — you have everything that you need inside you.
Women look for this quality in men because it helps them to feel at ease. When a man is not confident, he seeks approval and validation from others. This is a lot of stress and pressure to put on another person who likely also needs external validation. Conversely, if you have confidence, you can give validation out to others, making them feel great instead of awkward.
Confidence: Fake It Until You Make It
The good news is that you don’t have to be confident to reap the benefits. “Fake it until you make it” isn’t just a theory anymore; It’s backed by solid science. When you start acting like a confident man, people perceive you as one. This in turn makes you feel more confident, which makes it easier for you to act confident, which makes more people perceive you as confident, which… makes you more confident. At The Art of Charm, we refer to this as a righteous cycle, the opposite of a vicious cycle. But how do we act confident when we’re not? It’s easier than you think.
Body: Changing Your Mindset
Basically, the best way to grow confidence in yourself is to start acting confident with your body. There are some easy ways to do this to get the ball rolling:
- Stand Up Straight: Good posture is a sure sign of confidence. Picture a string tied to the top of your head and another at your feet. Imagine them pulling you up straight in either direction.
- Smile: Confident people smile with their whole face. Practice smiling in the mirror. Think of something that’s funny to you, or a happy baby in the center of a bright sun. Smile not just with your mouth, but with your eyes and your cheeks
- Eye Contact: Making eye contact with people projects confidence. When you’re talking to someone, make sure you look them in the eye. Whatever you do, don’t look at the ground too much.
- Walk the Walk: Look at videos of confident, iconic men like Clint Eastwood, Humphrey Bogart, Steve McQueen and Sean Connery as James Bond. How do they walk? Imitate them when you walk. Soon you’ll have your own confident, masculine gait.
- Body Checks: A simple way to check yourself is to see how you’re doing with all these things every time you walk through a door. At first you won’t remember, but over time it will become a habit; Walking through a door will mean it’s time to check your posture, walk, smile and reflect on eye contact.
Pulling It All Together
Now’s the time to pull together confidence, body and dating. Go out tonight and experiment with these techniques. What differences do you see? The Art of Charm likes men to think of themselves as their own personal science experiment. Be a social scientist and note the changes that you see in applying these techniques over time.