How to Develop Social Skills to Attract and Keep High-Value People

It’s never too late to learn new methods to help develop social skills. Today we share some of our favorites.

In the last few weeks, we’ve talked about low-value people, value vampires, and today we want to talk about why you should continue to develop social skills. The right skills will help you build a social circle of high-value people. We want you to know how to attract these people into your life and how to keep them there.

Time for a Friend Audit

The first thing you have to do is make time for these people. You can’t bring anyone in if there’s no room. You have to find time and make some room for these people. It can be very helpful to do sort of a ‘friend audit.’

Your time is limited, between juggling work, hobbies, doing things you enjoy that make you happy and a vast social circle. In order to improve your social life, you need to find out who you’re spending the most time with, and whether they’re adding positive support and encouragement to your life.

We’ve talked before about how much you can accomplish when you’re surrounded by supportive, encouraging people and how much negative people can hold you back. After nearly 700 podcasts and all the successful people we’ve interviewed, that’s the number one lesson we’ve learned.

Surround yourself with positive people. They’re high-value, they have an abundance mindset and they freely and clearly show you their support. So once you’ve done your ‘friend audit,’ what’s the next thing you need to do?

Look for High-Value Traits

Some examples of high-value qualities in people include encouragement and support of course, but what are some other, not so obvious high-value traits? We love to say that ‘how you do anything is how you do everything’, so you want to pay close attention to how people behave with others when you’re with them.

  • Do they give others their undivided attention? Or do they spend time on their phone while people are talking to them?
  • Are they accepting of others or judgmental? Do they celebrate your victories and share your joys?
  • Are they warm and welcoming and do they seem comfortable being around you? Do they seem to be appreciative and do they understand the importance of celebrating the accomplishments of others?

All of these are high-value qualities in people you can watch for and be aware of while you interact with others.

It’s important to understand the high value of support and congratulating others. Show your support by attending their events, and the high-value people will reciprocate by attending your events.

Keep in mind when you hold an event, it’s never about the people who didn’t attend. Your focus should always be on the people who show up. They’re the ones who appreciate you and they’re the ones who deserve your appreciation.

High-Value People Are Busy

As you start to improve your social life and spend more time with high-value people, keep in mind they stay busy. Lots of people want their attention, everyone wants to spend time with them, so you can’t expect they’ll drop everything to join you and your social circle.

So it may take a little time to fill it with high-value people, but your patience will pay off in the long run. This is an investment in the rest of your life, so it’s worth taking your time to accomplish it. If you find one or two people who return your same level of support and encouragement, they’re more important than a whole boatload of acquaintances who may or may not be there when you need them.

You Gotta Have a Plan

Because high-value people are busy, you can’t just demand, “Hey, include me in your life!” You need to have some interesting options to offer them — some great things you can invite them to. And give them the invitation early enough that they have time to plan ahead.

Don’t be concerned if the first few times you try to arrange for them to come to something, they can’t make it. They’re busy, you’re busy, it happens. That’s why we strongly encourage you to set up recurring events, once a month or every other month. When you have a recurring event, you’ve always got something coming up to which you can invite friendly new people.

We try to have something going on at least once a month. In the past, when we’ve been really trying to build up our social circle, we were actually doing it once a week. We hosted a pool party at our apartment every Sunday.

Of course not everyone could make it every Sunday, but after a while, you start building momentum. People who couldn’t make it see the results posted on Facebook and think “Man, I have to go check that out next time!”

Moving to a New Town? It’s Crucial to Develop Social Skills

What happens if you move to a new town and you’re trying to get started building your social circle? It can be easy to think “Hey, I don’t know anybody, I need to join other people.” That’s fine, you should meet people and support them and their events.

But you still need to think about creating your own. You can do that by finding just two or three people you can get involved with and help them achieve their dreams and get whatever they’re wanting to bring into their lives.

By doing that, you’re cultivating your own stuff and when two or three of you are doing great things and you’re putting it out there, all of a sudden you start attracting everybody else. You become the center of it and can start commanding who’s coming in and out and what’s going on.

Getting and Keeping High-Value People

You need to understand when it comes to meeting high-value people and keeping them in your life, it’s better to focus on firm, solid connections with one or two people. Don’t immediately jump into somebody else’s social circle and try to grab onto every person you see and become social with them.

Take your time and meet new people, but don’t forget about cultivating your own circle of friends. If you want high-value people to join you, you’ll want to have your own stuff going on.

So there’s no need to intercept someone else’s social circle. Find two, maybe three good, high-value people to start with and start working and developing yourself. It won’t take long for you to start seeing your amazing social circle blossom.

Johnny Dzubak - author of 56 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

Email · Google+ · Facebook · Twitter


in Art of Personal Development