Attraction Refresher Course

Having an understanding about how you are treating the first few minutes of an interaction will really help you out in the long run. Let’ face it. The first few minutes always seem like the hardest, so let’s help you guys through that.

Some basic rules for attraction:

-View attraction as an interest or curiosity. Don’t attach sex until they’ve showed you the same curiosity or interest.
-Have a fun boyish mindset. You are out to have fun and be self amused.
-Understand that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea (rejection will happen).
-Have a good, positive vibe.
-Smile. It’s a direct indicator of your internal state. So many people forget to smile when under the pressure of meeting someone for the first time, especially if you very attracted to that person. It’s the first thing everyone sees when interacting with you.

There are three parts to our model for Attraction:

1. Blip on the radar. What is it that you are saying about yourself when people see you? Most importantly, you want to be conveying confidence and positivity through your body language. How are you going to do that? It starts with a fake it till you make it attitude. This is enough to get you started. Confident people don’t try to be invisible when they are out. They don’t mind being seen. They are out to have a good time and most importantly they are showing that they are having a good time through their body language. Positive people always have a smile on.

2a. It is up to you when you are interacting with others around you, that you are self amused and non-needy. These things are going to go far with how others see you. This is where attraction starts to draw people in. When you are interacting with other people and they enjoy hanging with you, other people will see that. When people who’ve encountered you are smiling and laughing, others take note. By supplying energy rather than taking energy away, you will be a more welcomed addition to any party. You can do this by finding it in yourself to be self amused. Allow yourself to be swept away with the atmosphere that is already there. Venues have spent money creating this environment, from the sound system to the lighting and the booze they are serving you.

2b. When you are talking to people, you will want to keep the conversation light, playful and more importantly, don’t talk about anything personal or intrusive for the first few minutes of the interaction. Sure, you may state your name while introducing yourself, but you want to quickly transition to something silly and fun. Use silly banter to loosen your new friends up. This will ease them into relaxing and break the tension from the interaction. Let’s face it. Everyone is a bit on guard when meeting people for the first time.

3. Learn to qualify other people, not yourself. Show that you are looking for cool people to chill with and get to know. People who are approval seeking qualify themselves a lot. To qualify yourself is to subtly or overtly brag about how awesome you are to sell yourself to others. Real high value people don’t have to qualify themselves. They are secure. They look to see what is so interesting or unique about everybody else they are hanging with. There are a few different ways of doing this. Questions that get people to invest and open up a little bit about themselves are great for this. If you have done your work to get them to relax, they will happily qualify themselves.

Examples of qualifying questions:

What things do you do to make yourself smile?
Tell me something about you I might not know by looking at you?

You get the Idea.

It can sound cheesy but it’s very effective. You might feel that this comes out of nowhere, but if you are having fun bantering and she is playing back, she will be waiting for you to steer this in a slightly more serious direction. It is up to you as a man to lead the interaction, to take it forward. Don’t wait for her to do it. From here you can take it anywhere you want. If she likes you she will show it. Until you can be comfortable enough to see her signals, just assume she is interested if she is playing back and smiling.

If you don’t get anywhere with this line of questioning, calmly go back to bantering and having fun. Try again in a few minutes.

This is showing interest. It’s no big deal. Don’t hide that you are curious about people. They know when you are. You aren’t fooling anyone.

After a few interactions this will become second nature and you will get comfortable.

Johnny Dzubak - author of 63 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

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in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

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