First Date Conversation | Is it Appropriate to Discuss Sex?

First Date ConversationForget politics and religion: The most uncomfortable first date conversation for a lot of guys is sex. However, we’re going to put forward the radical notion that you probably should talk about — or at least around — sex on a first date. What do we mean by that? Well, you’re going to have to read on to find out; But definitely don’t go on your next first date before you read what we have to say.

First Date Conversation: Yes, It’s Appropriate to Talk About Sex

There’s a taboo against talking about sex. However, we think it’s more about balance than anything. When you’re bantering with a woman, whether it’s out at a bar or on a date, you basically want to accomplish three things:

  • Be Funny: This is where you chat, banter, flirt and basically try to get her to smile or laugh. You want to be carefree and self-amused here. What you don’t want to be is a dancing monkey desperate to entertain her… which is one reason that you should also…
  • Be Challenging: Here’s the part of the conversation where you push her away a little bit. You make jokes about how you gave up dating bad girls, or that it will never work between you two because she likes Grey’s Anatomy. The point here is to keep things light still. You don’t want to offend her or be a jerk. But even this won’t work unless you’re also ready to…
  • Be Sexual: Being sexual means just that. This is where your flirting is going to shift more to sexual innuendo. You don’t want to be a creep, but you’d also be amazed at what you can get away with once you’ve established some rapport with a girl before. A lot of the time, the difference between being creepy and being sexy is whether or not she’s into you.

Ok. This is all good advice, right? But how do you know if it’s working?

You Need to Gauge Her Reaction

What happens when you start being a little sexual? It’s good to go about this in a light way, just like when you’re being funny or being challenging. If you come on too strong, that can turn her off. However, if you’re framing your sexual banter in a more light-hearted and humorous way, that can make all the difference between getting a drink thrown in your face (this never happens, by the way, but you know what we mean) and having her come back to your place for the night.

If she seems off put by anything that you’re saying — and trust us when we say that she might not tell you with her words, but she’ll tell you with her body and her tone of voice if she is — switch tracks to something less overtly sexual.

Remember that the point of being sexual on a first date is to let her know that you’re not just interested in her as a friend. A lot of guys complain about the “friend zone,” but a lot of these same guys aren’t going out of their way to let women know that they’re interested in them as more than “just friends.” Without being sexual, you can come across as a bit like a “best friend” or “big brother” type. So when it comes to first date conversation, don’t feel like you always have to play it completely safe.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1150 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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