Escape From the Friend Zone (and Watch the Girl Fall in Love With You)

friend zoneChances are you’ve had a relationship with a girl and wanted it to move beyond friendship, maybe you even want to make the girl to fall in love with you.  Hell, maybe you’re a polygamist looking to make a bunch of girls fall in love with you (I ain’t here to judge).  Whatever the case is there is one trap that lots of men fall into that prevent them from ever becoming intimate with the women they desire.  It’s called The Friend Zone

The friend zone is when a girl sees you as just her buddy, nothing more.  She never thinks about kissing you let alone sleeping with you.  It’s a frustrating place that even the most good-looking, charming, confident guys wind up in.

The biggest cause for ending up in the friend zone is that the girl never had a clue the guy was into her in the first place.  Most guys are afraid to show their interest, or don’t know how to do it in an attractive way.  As a result they are condemned to a life of being “just friends” and pretending to like it.

In order to avoid the friend zone you’ve got to show the girl you’re interested in her.  The sooner you can do this, the better.  If a girl knows from the first interaction “oh, this guy is into me” then she can begin to think about you as a potential sex partner.  If a guy waits 3 years before finally getting the courage to show her he’s interested, she’ll feel blindsided and have a hard time seeing him in the same light.

There are a few ways you can show your interest in a manner that will get her interested in you.  One way is through touching.  Start with light, quick, playful touching around the elbows (it’s the most non-invasive place to touch her).  You can do this with girls you’ve known a long time or just met.  As time goes on you can increase the duration of the touch and move it to other areas like her back or knee.  Just being comfortable with physical contact from you will make it easier for her to see you in a sexual light.

Speaking of sexual, the types of guys who find themselves in the friend zone are also the types of guys that are afraid to speak sexually around women.  The same innuendos or jokes they’d make with their guy friends they won’t say around women (often because they don’t want to be looked at as a ‘pig’).  When a guy castrates himself this way then the woman never learns to associate him with sex.  He becomes an asexual friend who may be good for cuddling, but nothing beyond that even crosses her mind.

I’m not saying force the conversation to become sexual.  Just don’t feel you need to shy away from that type of talk.  Instead take advantage of little opportunities for sexual references or having open sexual conversations with the woman you’re interested in.  Maybe pepper some of your conversations with sexual undertones, innuendo, or jokes.  Merely bringing the thoughts of sex into the interaction will help her associate you with sex, and it will be easier for her to see you in an intimate way.  When you can open up the doors to intimacy for a girl you already care about, it’s only a matter of time until that connection strengthens to the point that the girl will fall in love with you, too.

While you should definitely integrate these two concepts with women you are interested in, be careful.  When you don’t know how/when to touch, or how/when it’s okay to bring sex into a conversation, it can occasionally blow up in your face.  It’s best to start slow.

For those of you who sign up for the live bootcamps in LA, you’ll be able to work with professional coaches who can help you develop these techniques in a way that’s most comfortable and effective for you.  Never again will you hear those horrible words “but we’re such good friends…”

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

Email


in Art of Dating, Dating Tips

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.