Sometimes a relationship has simply run its course and the best thing to do is break up. If you’re not sure if you’ve approached that situation yet, here’s some breaking up advice that will help you identify if you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons – and that it may be time to move on.
You’re afraid to be alone
Are you staying in a relationship solely because the thought of being alone terrifies you? If so, then the best advice may be to break up. Desperation and neediness is a terrible foundation for any relationship. But once you overcome that fear of being alone, any relationship you enter is going to be much, much stronger.
If the fear of being alone is the only thing keeping you in a relationship it may be time to face that fear head-on. Once you start spending time on your own you may realize it’s not so bad. And your next relationship will be much stronger, freer, and healthier, as your enjoyment of one another will be the thing holding you together – rather than your fear of being alone.
You’re waiting for your next relationship opportunity
Some guys looking for breakup advice think the best way to handle a breakup is to first find a girl who will be “next in line”. To set the stage so that when they finally break up with their girlfriend they can then sail immediately into the next relationship.
Not only does this likely come from the same fear of being alone that needs to be dealt with if you want a strong, happy relationship, but it’s a wildly unfair thing to do to a girl. When she realizes you were just holding on to her while lining up your next girlfriend, she’ll likely be crushed.
So don’t be that guy. If you feel the relationship is ending and you’re ready to move on, man-up and end it. The woman you’re dating deserves that much.
You’re just used to it
Sometimes guys stay in a relationship out of sheer habit. The love, passion, excitement – all that good stuff is long gone. They are just in the relationship because they’re used to it.
In times like this you want to ask yourself, is this really the life you want? If not, what would that life look like? What would your ideal relationship be? Could this woman be a part of that situation? If so, that’s great. You can start looking for things you can do to make your relationship fit that more ideal scenario.
But if not, then you may want to consider breaking up advice. Otherwise, if you merely “settle” for what’s available, you miss out on the more loving, passionate, exciting relationships that are out there. And that can lead to feelings of regret and resentment, which can slowly bubble up over time and ruin the relationship anyway.
You’re thinking “Once ____ happens it will be different”
Guys will stay in a relationship thinking that the girl or relationship will change once they hit a certain point. For example they’ll think that once they move in together or have kids, the dynamic of the relationship will be better. Or once one of you lands that new job, gets promoted, or finishes that big project they’ve been working on, everything will change.
The problem with this thinking is it’s not based in reality. If you want to predict how a relationship will be in the future all you have to do is look at how the relationship has been in the past. Because those same patterns are going to repeat themselves. Sure landing that job might provide some relief, but it’s only a matter of time until something else pops up that’s preventing the relationship from being what you want.
And the goes for the woman you are with, too. If you are expecting her behavior will change once X, Y, or Z happens, you’re in for a rude awakening. If you’re not connecting at the level you want now superficial changes in lifestyle aren’t likely to change that. (Especially if those changes involve an increase in responsibilities and put more demands on the relationship – such as moving in together or having kids).
You’re in it to please others
Is this the relationship you want? Is this really the girl you want to be with? Or have outside forces chosen this girl for you. Are you dating her merely because you like the validation you get from friends? Are you dating a girl because she’s the kind of woman your parents think you should be with?
You’re never going to be in a happy relationship if you date women to please others. So you’ve got to ask yourself – if the rest of the world was indifferent to whether or not you dated this woman, would you still be with her? If the answer to that question isn’t “Yes!” then the best advice could be to break up.
You don’t want to hurt her
When guys look for breakup advice it’s often because they want to be able to break up with a girl without hurting her. But breakups hurt. That’s just the way it is. And if you’re avoiding that breakup conversation because you don’t want to hurt a girl, you’re actually doing a lot more long-term damage than if you just broke things off.
Besides, it’s unfair to convince a woman she’s in a loving relationship when she’s not. At that point you’re just holding her back from being in the fulfilling relationship she wants. So yes, the breakup will hurt at first, but in the long run it’s the best thing that can happen for her and you. If you don’t feel like you’re right for each other, she deserves that chance to move on and find the guy who is a better match.
More breaking up advice
For more practical breaking up advice, check out The Art of Charm podcast on how to break up with your girlfriend.
