Amy Chan | The Secret Ingredients to a Healthy Relationship & Surviving a Breakup

In today’s episode, we cover overcoming breakups with Amy Chan. Amy has been writing about relationships, dating, and love for over a decade is the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club, and is the author of Breakup Bootcamp – The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.


The end of a relationship can be a traumatic experience for many but it doesn’t have to break you – so what can you do to bounce back as an even better version of yourself, how can you learn from the relationship, and what resources can you rely on to help you move on? 

What to Listen For

  • How Amy Chan Became a Relationship Expert – 0:21
  • Breakup Bounce Back and Attachment Theory – 2:19
  • What can you do to focus on yourself and heal after a breakup rather than blame the ex and other external factors?
  • What is Attachment Theory and how does it teach us to view love as we grow up?
  • What are the 3 main types of attachment that we learn during our childhood and how do they influence our view of love in adulthood?
  • Once you know what your style of attachment is, what can you do to prevent yourself from sabotaging future relationships?
  • How do you set healthy boundaries with friends and family after a breakup if they’re constantly trying to give you advice and project their own issues on you?
  • Learning From the Past for Future Relationships – 21:00
  • What exercises can you use to recognize red flags with new potential partners if you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another?
  • How do you identify the baggage that YOU bring into relationships so you don’t let it destroy your relationships?
  • What journaling prompts can you use to heal after a breakup?
  • Why is breaking up from a relationship similar to breaking an addiction and what can you do to make it as brief and painless as possible?
  • Why are rituals important to recovering normalcy after a breakup and what rituals can you start using today?
  • How can we make the right choice when we are overwhelmed by dating options in front of us so we don’t waste our time?
  • What are the 3 secret ingredients in a healthy relationship foundation?
  • What is the Breakup Bootcamp – 44:06
  • What goes on during Amy Chan’s Breakup Bootcamp?
  • What is limerence and how does it keep us in a vicious cycle of hurt?
  • What is the biggest myth about how men and women handle breakups? 

The end of a relationship can feel like losing a loved one because your significant other feels like a part of your identity and your future. Losing that part of you, and feeling like a part of your future is ripped out from under you can be a difficult event to recover from, but there are steps you can take to minimize the suffering and move forward as a better stronger version of yourself.

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Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ Harbinger - author of 1153 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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in Art of Dating, Art of Personal Development, Break-Ups & Divorce, Building A Connection, Dating Science, Empowerment, Marriage & Relationships, Podcast

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