Are you exhausted by always hustling for new connections and opportunities?
Would you rather have them delivered to you instead?
Then this blog post is for you.
By dialing up your charisma, you can attract high value people into your life. And those people bring with them friendships, adventures, romantic relationships, job opportunities, etc.
But in order to dial up your charisma, it’s important to know what exactly it is and what you need to work on to unlock it from within you. The upside is we can all become charismatic. The downside is it can take some work, but that’s what we at the Art of Charm are here for.
By the end of this post, you will know:
- What charisma is
- Why you should care about it (if you don’t already)
- How to unlock your charisma using three traits we all have
Ready? Then let’s start with the basics.
What is charisma?
Psychology Today defines charisma as “the ability to attract, to charm, and to influence the people around you.”
And as Johnny put it in our latest podcast, “Attraction doesn’t end there. Charismatic people also attract opportunities, new friends, and good times.”
In the simplest terms, charisma is like a magnetic force.
So, rather than spending time and energy chasing after what you want, being a charismatic person will draw people to you.
Why should you care about being charismatic?
Charisma is not just about being more popular or getting more dates.
Being a more charismatic person enables you to express who you are so that you attract high value people and opportunities into your life. It can be physically and mentally demanding to always be pursuing more work, more connections, more opportunities.
But do you know what’s much less demanding?
Having a life that brings those things to you so you can spend more time enjoying the fruits of your labor and not working yourself to the bone everyday.
If you want to lead a life where amazing people and opportunities come to you instead of requiring you to chase them, then read on.
The Three Dials of Charisma
You don’t need to be born with a magnetic personality to be charismatic.
You need self-awareness and a willingness to improve.
Because we all have the ability to:
- be present
- express enthusiasm
- build confidence
Since each and every one of us can do those three things, we all have the potential to be as charismatic as we want.
So how do you start playing with those three dials to unlock your charisma?
This first one might seem weird at first.
“Why do I need to focus on what’s going on around me in order to be more charismatic?”
Think about what it’s like to get lunch with someone you just met.
Imagine being in the middle of telling her a story when she takes out her phone and starts checking her text messages.
Does that sound like something a charismatic person would do to make you feel like she values what you’re telling her?
Or would you feel more drawn to her if she sat there looking attentively at you, acknowledging what you’re saying, and showing clear signs that she is engaged with your story?
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
Before we talk about why enthusiasm is important, let’s define what it means to live with enthusiasm.
AJ gave a great example. He said, “When I think about enthusiasm, I think about how we interact with newborn infants. We’re so expressive in our face and communication to try and get that expression back from them, to get that enthusiasm mirrored back.”
Enthusiasm is not just pumping energy into your voice or trying to be louder. It is about being in touch with how you feel about the things you do and say.
For example, if you’re telling a story about a fantastic adventure from your youth, is speaking in a monotone voice going to convey just how amazing the adventure was?
Here are three simple changes you can make right now to convey enthusiasm in your next conversation:
- Make eye contact when speaking to someone. This tells people they are important enough to get your undivided attention.
- Open up your arms instead of crossing them. Crossing your arms tells people you are closed off and too cool to talk.
- Wear a smile on your face when people are sharing things with you. Smiling in response to someone sharing something with you gives that person approval and validation for sharing, which makes that person feel good and want to be around you more.
All three of those convey the enthusiasm that leads to other people feeling your charisma.
As AJ put it, “All of this falls flat if we don’t have confidence, if we don’t have the belief that we can be charismatic and that people do see us in a positive light.”
Why does all of this come down to confidence?
Because if you’re present in a conversation but lacking confidence, then you will feel uncomfortable. As a result, the person you’re talking to will feel your discomfort and start to feel uncomfortable as well.
And what about enthusiasm?
if you’re lacking confidence in yourself, you’re not going to feel comfortable expressing genuine enthusiasm.
So how do you develop confidence?
You can start by putting yourself in uncomfortable situations over and over again until you feel confident in your ability to navigate them.
Want to be more confident talking to strangers? You have to start talking to strangers.
Want to be more confident in open heart surgery? You have to perform open heart surgery.
Confidence comes from a belief in yourself that you can handle a given situation, problem, task, etc. So if you never expose yourself to what you want to become confident in, how will you ever develop said confidence?
Now, if you want unstoppable confidence, that’s what we’re here for .
In a Nutshell
Charisma can be a tough concept to nail down in concrete terms.
But once you have an idea of what it is, why it’s important, and how you can develop the right charisma for your personality, the steps to take are clear.
Charisma is the ability to attract, to charm, and to influence the people around you.
You need it if you want to attract high value people and opportunities into your life rather than chasing them all the time.
You can develop your own charisma by dialing in the following traits:
- Presence. Pay attention to who you’re with and listen attentively. When you make people feel heard, they feel important and appreciated around you and will want to spend more time around you.
- Enthusiasm. Energy is infectious, and if you’re expressing genuine enthusiasm when speaking to someone, that person is going to feel your enthusiasm and be drawn into whatever you’re saying.
- Confidence. Presence and enthusiasm won’t matter if you don’t believe in yourself and your ability to be charismatic.
Lastly, if you want more information on how to unlock your charisma to attract high value people and opportunities into your life, check out our latest toolbox episode on charisma!