Most of us have been taught some BS about sexual desire.
“The way to become a person’s type is to treat them in a way that makes them feel really, really good.” -Dr. Emily Nagoski
The Cheat Sheet:
- Why women are easier to turn off than men.
- What is yucking people’s yums?
- Dr. Nagoski explains how fetishes develop.
- How orgasms are like riding a bicycle.
- The REAL physical signs she’s close to orgasm.
- And so much more…
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What turns one person on may completely turn off another person. Why is that? And why does it seem men want sex more than women? Here to dispel the myths behind these assumptions is Dr. Emily Nagoski.
Dr. Nagoski, a professor at Smith College, is the author of Come As You Are, the New York Times bestseller on this very topic. On episode 414 of The Art of Charm, Dr. Nagoski explains the science of desire and the two types of desire response, as well as practical tips for a hotter sex life.
More About This Show
Dr. Nagoski’s foray into the world of human sexuality started in her undergrad years. She was a peer health educator, which means she taught students about condoms, consent, and safer sex practices. From that experience, she went on to earn her Master’s degree in counseling psychology, and then complete a doctorate in health behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality.
She went on to work at the Kinsey Institute for several years as a health educator before her current post as a professor at Smith College teaching women’s sexuality.
In this episode, Dr. Nagoski breaks down the dual control model of desire, the two types of desire and two of the most important things she wants every man on the planet to know.
The dual control model of desire can be explained like this: everyone has things that fuel desire, and everyone has things that dampen that desire or “put the brakes on,” as Dr. Nagoski says. And research has shown some truth in the stereotype of men vs. women: it’s easier for men to get turned on and easier for women to be turned off.
That means if you want to turn a woman on, you also have to think about what pressure is being applied to her brakes and turning her off. The easiest way to know? Asking her about the greatest sex she’s ever had — and then being open to her responses according to Dr. Nagoski.
She also explains the two types of desire: responsive and spontaneous. Spontaneous is what we’re told desire typically is: it’s wanting to have sex based on an internal desire. Responsive sex is responding to stimuli and then wanting sex as a result. Men tend to be more spontaneous and women are more responsive. Both are healthy and normal, and Dr. Nagoski details how to tap into responsive desire with your partner.
She also sheds light on some long-held cultural myths about sex and desire, the true physiological signs that she’s about to orgasm, and practical tips for great sex in your relationship. Check it out on today’s episode of The Art of Charm.
THANKS, DR. EMILY NAGOSKI!
Resources from this episode:
Come As You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski’s best-selling book
The Art of Charm bootcamps
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-The Art of Charm Toolbox
-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast
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