From the Vault #10 | How to Win at Tinder

Our From the Vault series examines episodes from The Art of Charm’s past more deeply; we invite you to revisit them — or discover them for the first time — with us. This From the Vault takes us back to the toolbox episode where Jordan, Justin Jensen, and AoC Bootcamp alumnus Byron broke down strategies and techniques to stand out from the crowd and engage in quality interactions — basically how to win at Tinder.

Episode 305: Tindering Your Way to Better Dates was recorded in August of 2014 and is part of AoC’s Toolbox series. This episode, featuring Jordan, Justin Jensen, and Byron, an AoC alumnus, took a hard look at the phenomenon that is Tinder and broke down strategies and techniques for everyone to improve their results and interactions.

Social Sales Funnel

One of the things we discuss at Bootcamp is the idea of the social sales funnel. Much like a sales funnel — in which leads come in one end and are drawn towards a sale — a social sales funnel starts with “leads,” people you meet anywhere, and are gradually drawn to a regular event that you may attend or host. Tinder simply multiplies the number of leads you can meet by exposing you to people you would not otherwise have met.

It Starts with Your Photos

It’s often said that if you want the results that everyone else has, simply do the things that everyone else does. On Tinder you want to stand out — in a good way. Part of that starts with your pictures. Everyone does the selfie thing. Don’t be the selfie person; take the opportunity to display some high-quality photos that not only show off your looks (because, hey, that’s a big part of the calculus on Tinder), but also your personality and your hobbies.

Byron shared a story of a guy who had photoshopped himself carrying a baby and a teddy bear away from a burning house. It was badly photoshopped on purpose, just for a bit of fun. Justin mentioned that he is not the guy who wants to go museums on Sundays, so pictures of him having a Sunday funday with bottomless drinks not only would communicate who he really was, but would attract the kind of girl he really wanted.

Profile

Keep it short and perhaps goofy. Just as the photos can give you an entry into banter, your profile can too. One strategy is the “two truths and a lie” template. You can put something like, “Rocket Scientist. Marathon Runner. Lover of Tacos. One of these is false.” This lets your match jump right into messaging with you.

Messaging

Speaking of messaging, guys should definitely go first. This is not simply because the female experience on Tinder is completely different (guys often have to swipe at least 10 times to get a match, whereas almost every other right-swipe for a female results in a match) but because females are bombarded with the horrible, “Hi,” or “How’s your day?” texts.

Girls have enough to deal with given all the matches they may receive. You can make it easier for them by standing out — by not sending them that boring message, but rather by taking something from their profile or their pictures and engaging with them by that. Justin shared a go-to he has in messaging, which is “You had me at…” followed by, “we should probably get married.” Again, be light and fun at this stage: there’s no benefit to escalation in this medium.

Another way to stand out is to actually call. No one calls anyone anymore, and it will help build rapport and trust because a phone call, with all its inflections and tonalities, is simply a richer form of communication than messaging and texting.

Make sure you also skip the texting games. People are busy, so often it might be an hour or more between texts. But responding twelve hours later, given how often people keep their phones nearby, simply screams “game playing.” Don’t be that guy (or girl).

Go for the Meeting

Momentum is important: you should try to meet within the first few days of getting a number. Guys, don’t leave this up to her. Women love confidence and if you tell her some times and dates that work for you as well as pick the venue, you make it a lot easier for her.

From the Vault picks out key concepts developed in a given episode, but there’s plenty more to hear, including why you shouldn’t feel the need to keep constantly texting once you’ve made that first date and why it makes things easier in this medium for a guy to offer a girl his number. And because you kept reading, here’s a handy e-book for you. Listen to the whole podcast here.

Do you have any tips for how to use Tinder more successfully? Share them with us at [email protected]

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Stephen Heiner - author of 36 posts on The Art of Charm

Stephen Heiner was born in Singapore and moved to America just before his ninth birthday. He's stepped foot on every continent except Antarctica, served in the US Marine Corps, and is living the charmed life of a writer in Paris. He has a passion for running small businesses and storytelling. More than anything he enjoys getting people to think differently about the things they take for granted. Here at The Art of Charm, Stephen matches his life experience to our content to extract key points in written form for our students and clients to ruminate and act upon.

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