How to Gain Self-Confidence in Bed

Take the most confident guy in the world and there’s at least one area where he is decidedly not confident. Nine times out of ten we find that has to do with his sexual prowess. We’ll let you in on a little secret: Most of the time it’s not to do with what he’s actually like in bed. Rather, the issue is probably an issue of confidence rather than performance. So how do you gain self-confidence in bed? It can be a struggle, but The Art of Charm is here to give you some answers.

Hit the Gym

Hitting the gym is less and less optional as you get older. If you’re past 25 and you’re not going to the gym regularly, you need to start making this a habit. But on the subject of our article: The gym can make you feel more confident in bed. Not just because it will make you feel better about how you look — but it will. Not just because it will allow you greater performance — but it will. Not just because it releases endorphins and dopamine that make you more confident —  but it does. It’s the nexus of these three things that make hitting the gym an essential part of gaining confidence in the bedroom.

Take a Porn Fast

We’re not anti-porn by any means, but one thing is for certain: If you’ve been spending the last few weeks, months or years watching a lot of porn it’s going to impact your self-confidence in bed. Real-life sex is, for a myriad of reasons, nothing like the sex that happens on your computer screen. You don’t have to give it up for good, but taking a month or so and watching something else (find a good series of documentaries or just hit the gym / do pushups whenever you feel the itch) will help you clear out some of your insecurities.

Lose Yourself in the Moment

Getting out of your head is always a great way to combat insecurities. So rather than letting your head (read: “insecurities”) take over, you need to start losing yourself in the moment. How do you do this? You lose yourself in the moment. After all, you’re in bed with a beautiful woman with whom you’ve made a connection. Why are you thinking about your insecurities? Any time they pop up, focus on something physical going on. This continual act of pushing your anxieties away will work over the long term and is also a short-term fix.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Her Ex

This is a big trap that a lot of men fall into: They think that they’re in competition with a girl’s ex. And the short of it is that you’re not. She likes you for you, not because of how you stack up against other men she’s had in her life. So stop worrying about how you’re doing in the Love Olympics and concentrate on what the two of you have going.

Need more advice on getting self-confidence in all areas of your life? Talk to one of our coaches via chat. They’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1050 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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