The Art of Charm isn’t going to pretend that looks aren’t important when it comes to dating. Of course they are, and you’d know that we were lying if we told you otherwise. But there are things far more important than looks when it comes to attracting women. Above all, confidence is probably the most important tool you can have in your toolbox when it comes to creating attraction between you and a woman.
Confidence Relaxes People
Confidence makes people around you relaxed. Think about it: Have you ever been in a situation where a totally unconfident person comes up to you at a bar or club? It’s almost always awkward, right? That’s because people without confidence are desperate for approval. Being around someone who is desperate for approval is draining on everything, not least of all the person trying to beg approval off of those around them.
On the other hand, when someone cool, calm, collected and confident approaches you, they make you feel at ease with yourself. Why?
Confidence Gives Value
One thing about being around people who are truly confident is that they give value to others. Again, consider the above scenario where you’re approached by someone without confidence: Basically what they’re trying to do is beg value off of you. In contrast, the confident man has no need for more value. He has so much that he’s giving it away. He’s smiling, joking and making everyone around him feel great.
That’s why confidence works. It’s contagious. It’s magnetic. It makes other people want to be around you, because they see that you’re just beaming with value. And while they might not have a conscious appreciation that you can share this value with them, they understand it on an intuitive level.
Confidence Attracts Attention
Maybe it’s the confidence, maybe it’s the circle of people around you trying to get a piece of the value you’re spilling out. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that when a person is confident, they attract the right kind of attention. People want to be around you. They gravitate toward you.
Confidence cuts a high profile when you’re out at a bar or club. Whether you’ve got your periphery around you yet or not, a tall walk, a broad smile and a confident demeanor are going to start attracting people to you.
The best part? “Fake it until you make it” works better in the realm of confidence than just about anywhere else. You can act confidently and still reap all the same benefits of confidence that you would get if you actually felt confident on the inside. Best of all, behaving in a confident manner will have people treating you like a confident man, which will have other people treating you in a confident manner, which will make it easier for you to act more confidently…
…and so on.
We call this a virtuous cycle, the opposite of a vicious one. Starting these circles is what The Art of Charm specializes in.
AJ Harbinger - author of 1157 posts on The Art of Charm
AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality.
Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.
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