What to Say to a Girl You Meet at a Bar

What to Say to a Girl You Meet at a BarBars are one of the most popular places to go out and meet women and with good reason — there’s a lot of them there and they’re places specifically designed for socializing. But what to say to a girl you meet at a bar? How do you move the interaction forward to get what you’re after? The good news is that this is a lot simpler and more straightforward than you might think. There are no magic bullets, just a series of techniques that any man can apply to his benefit. Read on to learn more about what to say to a girl in new situations.

Banter: What It Is, Why We Start With It

We always start talking to a woman with what we call “banter.” Banter is, simply put, playful, content-free conversation. We start with this because it allows you to get her laughing, smiling and relaxing. Compare this to more serious conversation that typically opens an interaction. Questions like “What do you do for a living” and “Where do you live” can make the stressful situation of socializing even more stressful by demanding personal information from a total stranger. Banter, on the other hand, allows the two of you to start out by having fun together.

Committing: Don’t Get Discouraged

When you start an interaction, you need to follow through. Getting discouraged and giving up will kill your game almost every time. It’s all right if you want to walk away, in fact we encourage it — but do this on your own terms when you want a break from the interaction and not in defeat. The great thing about banter is that it’s playful and content free. This means that you can say just about anything that you want. It doesn’t matter. Cultivate the stance of a playful puppy or a little boy, self-amused, not seeking approval from others. This exudes enormous confidence, but also shows her that it’s all right for her to have a good time.

Banter Is Only an Opening: Showing an Interest

Banter, however, is only a start. You want to move the conversation to somewhere more substantive so that the two of you can get to know each other and begin creating a connection. Do this by showing her that you’re interested. The key here is to do so quickly, simply and without any reference to her physical appearance. She already knows that you’re attracted to her; You walked up to her, after all. Simple phrases like “I dig you” or “You seem pretty cool” are adequate when it comes to expressing interest. Then pivot to deeper conversation by asking her something very open ended like “What are three things about you that I’d never guess” or “What your deal?”

The Art of Conversation

The art of conversation is a lost one that we could spend a whole article on. In fact, we have and you can read it here. The main things that you need to know are that you need to actively listen, not just wait for your turn to talk, always relate back to what she says and keep your questions open ended. Relating to what she has to say and giving your own spin on it is a killer way for you to start really creating a connection between the two of you. She’ll remember you as the one guy out at the bar who really “got” her. While you’re wondering what to say to a girl, she might be giving you the material herself. That’s the best takeaway that any man can leave a woman with.

Getting Her Number

Getting her number is actually a lot easier than you might think. Here’s how it works:

  1. At a high point of the interaction, pull your phone out. Tell her that you need her number so the two of you can get together sometime. Don’t ask her for it. Just tell her that you need it.
  2. Hand her your phone as you’re saying this. Have it ready for her to enter her number into your phone, so that she doesn’t have to do anything but type her number in.
  3. Tell her that you’re going to text her so that she has your number.
  4. While you’re doing this, rattle off a couple of killer date ideas based on what the two of you have talked about.

AJ Harbinger - author of 370 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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