Lessons from AoC Bootcamp: Learning to Move On

learning to move onThis is where things get embarrassing.  This is where you find out how hopeless I really was before spending a week with AoC.

I used to have no choice with women.  If I was able to get a date with a girl I’d cling to her as long as I could.  It was so hard to meet women that I always thought “I better hang on to this one, because it’ll be a very long time until another girl is interested in me”. 

Even if these girls weren’t right for me and caused nothing but headache/heartache, I wouldn’t let go.

Here’s an example:  I went on a date with a girl I met online (the only date I’d had in months) and met up with her again at a coffee shop a few days later.  She didn’t value me or my time, and showed it by spending the whole afternoon on her computer.  Of course, she was the only girl I’d gone out with in forever, so I just sat there like a schmuck and allowed her to treat me like I didn’t matter.  I’d attempt (and fail) to get a conversation going while she ignored me.

She clearly was not interested in me, didn’t think very highly of me, and she wasn’t any fun.  But she was hot.  So like a chump I’d text her and try to see her again.  She never got back to me.  I was bummed out because I knew it would be another few months until I’d get another chance with a girl.

This was a pattern for me.  To get hung up on a girl for no real reason other than she was the only girl available.  A combination of desperation or simply us not being right for each other would drive her away.  Then I’d kick myself for saying/doing the wrong things, and spend the next few months frustrated and unable to move past her.

I had been this way…forever.  About a month after my bootcamp, this behavior had vanished and I was learning to move on.

Shortly after bootcamp I met a gorgeous girl at a bookstore (meeting a girl at a bookstore was something I couldn’t do until AoC) and took her out for a date.  We had a great time, but towards the end she began to shut down and distance herself from me.  We went out again and she was even more closed off.  It became a lot of effort for me to make the date fun and interesting.  No matter what I did I couldn’t crack her shell.  It became obvious that we were just too different and looking for different things.

At any other point in my history, I would have continued chasing her despite the clear signs that this wasn’t going anywhere.  I would have been all hung up on her, beat myself up for fucking up, sulked for a bit and all this would likely culminate with an embarrassing drunk text message at 3am.  It would have been a mess.

Now?  I was able to cut that cord completely and move on.  After that date I didn’t spend another second trying to win her over.  I wasn’t bummed out or negatively affected in any way.  I knew I had done all I could, it simply wasn’t a good match.  I was ready to move on to the next girl.

Sure enough a week later I met a girl at a coffee shop.  We clicked right away.  She was fun, easy to talk to, and we’ve been seeing each other regularly ever since.

Knowing I have the ability to meet women at any time allows me to avoid destructive behaviors and relationships.  I’m not a slave to a girls hotness and don’t try to seek her approval.  I can hold high standards for myself and demand the level of respect I deserve instead of sheepishly allowing women to treat me poorly.  I can cut those women and women who are just not right for me from my life and not look back.  It doesn’t matter if things go south with a girl because I know there’s an even better woman waiting for me just around the corner.