Confidence. You know that you need it. You also know that it’s not as easy as that. Still, I’m going to tell you two things about confidence that you might not believe: First, it’s easier to build confidence than you think. Second, faking it until you make it not only has you appearing confident, it also helps you to build the type of inner confidence that you’re looking for.
What Do We Mean By Inner Confidence?
Inner confidence is hard to define, but you know it when you see it. It’s when a man knows that he’s good enough and expresses it with every fiber of his being. Men with this kind of confidence don’t need to tell people how great they are: Their actions do all the talking. They don’t seek approval from others and they aren’t needy. This confidence comes from deep inside you, not from an external source.
It’s a powerful tool in social interaction; One that you can acquire yourself with just a little bit of practice.
Fake It Until You Make It… And Why It Works
Jazz musicians coined the phrase “fake it until you make it.” The idea is that perception and reality influence one another. If you act like a confident man, you will begin to think that you are a confident man. What’s more, those around you will see you as a confident man. They’ll begin treating you like a person with deep inner confidence, which in turn makes you act more confidently, which in turn makes you feel more confident. Do you see how this works? At The Art of Charm we call this a righteous circle. It’s the opposite of a vicious circle.
With just a little bit of work and attention you can get your confidence engine roaring. Once it gets started it takes on a wonderful life all its own.
Method #1: Posture
The best thing you can immediately do to radiate confidence and start acquiring a bit of your own is to stand up straight. Before you go out, try the following exercise:
- Stand in front of a mirror.
- Close your eyes.
- Put your hands at your sides.
- Imagine a string attached to the crown of your head, pulling you up.
- Imagine a magnet attached your feet pulling you down into the earth.
- Stand there for a minute holding that pose: Head up straight, feet planted firmly into the ground. Try to form a body memory of what this feels like.
- Open your eyes.
Before you walk into a club, take a second to do a body check. Are you standing up straight? People form impressions of you and your level of confidence beginning when they first see you. Try and do this kind of body check every time you enter a room.
Method #2: Cheers and High Fives
A great way to project confidence is to own the room. One way to do this? Walk around getting high fives and cheersing people. You don’t even need to know them. As you walk into a room, grab a drink and clink glasses up high with the person next to you. Walk around the room doing this. Try and set a goal for how many people you’re going to cheers or high five throughout the course of a night. Depending on the size of the bar or club, try and get between 10 and 50 cheers or high fives.
If you’re rolling into a club with a crew, high five them right when you walk in the room. People notice subtle displays of confidence.
Method #3: Walk Away
The Art of Charm encourages men to walk away, even when things are going swimmingly. You want to leave for a bit, then come back. The point isn’t to be rude or dismissive — far from it. Rather, it shows that your night is not dependent on her. Letting her know that whether or not you have a good time isn’t dependent on her projects confidence in a subtle, natural way. Take a lap, work the room a bit, catch up with your buddies and then go back to her. It’s the best way to go about flirting at a bar or club.
