Social skills coaching can improve almost every area of your life. It will help you expand your social circle, network more effectively and even find that perfect girl. In this article I’m going to share some of the most effective social skills coaching practices that you can implement immediately to improve your social skills over the next 30 days.
Step 1: Get clear on your goals
If you were to improve your social skills through coaching, what would that look like? How would you act at a bar, business meeting, party, or any other social event?
Before setting out to improve your social skills make sure you have a clear idea of what “improved social skills” means to you. Get an image of exactly what it will look like (and feel like) to reach that new level of social savvy. Then, set a specific goal for how you want to behave in social situations 30 days from. Make the goal realistic, but enough of a reach that you get excited about achieving it. Write it all down and each morning visualize what it will look and most importantly feel like once you achieve this goal. Doing this each morning will help you stay focused and motivated.
Step 2:Break the goal down
Once you have your goal break it down into smaller steps that will lead you to that larger goal. For example let’s say you want to be able to meet fearlessly cold-approach women cold but can’t bring yourself to even hold eye contact with a girl you don’t know. In this case you’d set up a series of steps that look something like this: Day 1, make eye contact with 5 women you don’t know (and holding it long enough to notice the color of their eyes). Day 2 make strong eye contact and say “Hi” to five girls. Day 3 start 5 conversations with girls on the street using a simple question like “Excuse me, do you know any good restaurants in the area?” Day 4 start five conversations with a compliment, or some playful banter. (For tips on how to get a conversation going with a girl you just met, click here).
Continue this process and take things one step further each day. Remember, it’s important to start with something small and manageable. This will help you build both confidence and momentum, which will help you as your daily goals get more and more challenging.
Step 3: Get consistent
Any social skills coach will tell you that improving this area is a gradual process. To see lasting change, you’ll need to focus on taking action on a consistent basis.
So rather than trying to transform you social skills overnight (which is unlikely to happen without a social skills coach right there guiding you) focus on taking new action each and every day. Set aside 45 minutes every day to go out, be social, and hit your daily goals. Write this time into your schedule ahead of time so you don’t put it off or forget it.
Step 4: Reward yourself
It can be difficult to stick to a program like this without a social skills coach guiding you a long. So you want to do what you can to make it as easy as possible to stay committed to this program.
One way to do this is to reward yourself each day immediately after you hit your daily goal. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, or at the very least pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments. To make it even easier to stay committed, recruit a friend to push you and keep you accountable for hitting your goals. If you want to be hardcore about this you can even give your friend something of value ($50, the keys to your place) and tell him he’s not allowed to give that thing back to you until you hit your goals for the day.
Step 5: Keep a Journal
During this 30-day period be sure to keep a journal. This is an exercise most social skill coaches recommend for a couple of reasons:
First, it gives you a chance to address any worries, difficulties, or fears that come up as you go through this 30-day period. Putting all these thoughts on paper can clear your head so you can stay focused and upbeat. Second, you can (and should) use this time to take a step back and celebrate all small victories and things you did well in your interactions. Celebrating minor wins will give you the motivation to keep going. Finally writing in a journal gives you time to address the “mistakes” you made, so you can find ways to improve on them for next time.
Step 6: Boost your confidence
Negative self-talk (“I suck at this…” “If I talk to that person I’ll just be bothering them…”) will make this process an uphill battle. To turn this around you can use a technique commonly taught by social skills coaches of asking empowering questions.
Rather than letting that negative voice run wild, take control and ask yourself questions that make you feel more empowered and in control. Questions like “Why do people enjoy meeting me?” or “Why would this person be dying to meet me?” Questions like these keep your brain focused on more positive thoughts and beliefs, which will put you in a more positive state.
A great thing about these questions is they can be designed specifically to help you overcome whatever fear/limiting belief you have that’s keeping you from being social. For example, if you’re always worrying about how you “don’t know what to say” you can start asking yourself a question like “Why does what I say not matter?” (Possible answers: Your body language/sub-communication is more important. In the end people don’t remember what you say, just the way you make them feel).