Do you think social skills can be mastered?
I’m going to tell you what I think in just a minute. But first, I wanted to share a few insights with you.
In philosophy, there’s a principle called Theory of Mind (or ToM for short).
ToM is a school of thought that attempts to break down how we think — and more specifically, how we think about what others are thinking.
It progresses in levels — and the deeper you go, the more inferences you must make about the beliefs of others.
Here’s an example:
Imagine that you walk into the kitchen, and your brother is having an argument with your mom.
Level 1 thinking would be:
“I see my mom and brother are fighting. I don’t like that.”
Level 2 thinking might sound like:
“My mom hasn’t said why she’s upset, but it’s probably because my brother came home late last night. Maybe she thinks that he was doing drugs.”
An example of Level 3 would be:
“My brother is looking at me now. He’s probably curious if I’m wondering what my mom is thinking.”
Woah. Mind melt.
As more parties join, things can go deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Our brains can begin weaving REALLY crazy patterns based on external information, our own beliefs and our assumptions about others.
Here’s the funny part: All of this is a “normal” part of human interaction. We don’t consider the ability to think about thinking “special”. In fact, we rarely even realize that we’re doing it.
The truth is, Theory of Mind IS special. It’s makes us unique.
In fact, it’s one of the characteristics that has allowed humans to evolve and work together for centuries.
Think about it: In all of our greatest accomplishments, the ability to “get inside” the heads of others and think about how they perceive the world — just like we anticipated our brother’s thoughts above — has been crucial.
Using this uniquely human trait, we’ve collaborated with each other to navigate the globe, build gigantic skyscrapers and go to the moon.
But we’re not born with the ability to anticipate the feelings of others. If you’ve ever seen a bratty toddler throwing plastic blocks across the floor, you know this is true.
So why do so many men think that great social skills are something that you’re just born with?
These are social skills — “SKILLS” being the operative word. And skills, by definition, CAN be mastered with the right time and the right approach.
Unfortunately, 90% of us never even take the time to evaluate what we’re doing wrong in our social lives or how we can improve. We simply don’t put any time into improving that area of our lives — even though we secretly wish that it would get better.
Without a doubt, this same attitude bleeds over into our relationships with women and dating.
- We SAY want to understand what women are thinking.
- We TELL OURSELVES that we want to learn how to attract women.
But we don’t take any steps to actually learn of these skills.
In the back of our heads (and maybe in our hearts), we believe that when it comes to women, whatever level of skills we were born with is what we’re stuck with.
So.Not.True.
But this false belief can frustrate us for years, and stop us from making progress.
Look, I know this can be frustrating. Trust me, I’ve been there.
So this week, I’m going to help you overcome some of your biggest stumbling blocks with women and dating.
But first, I have to know:
- What’s the ONE thing that confuses you most about women?
- In the last 3 months, what steps have you taken to educate yourself about women and attraction?
Leave a comment below with your answer.
Please be specific.
I will read every comment and respond to all the best ones tomorrow!
-Jordan
