Overcome Shyness With Girls in Three Simple Steps

overcome shynessIt’s not just shy men who are shy with women. I’ve known totally confident men who turned incredibly shy when it came to talking to women. We all know that it’s harder to talk to a woman you’re attracted to than just about anyone else, except maybe your boss. But what if I told you that you could overcome shyness with girls? In fact, you can overcome it; But much like building the body of your dreams, it’s going to take some work. Here are three simple ways that you can start attacking your natural shyness.

Step 1: Work on Body Language

The mind follows the body and the body follows the mind. This isn’t a self-help “theory” anymore; it’s just solid science. When you walk, talk and stand like a confident man you become a more confident man. People begin to notice you’re more confident, which in turn makes it easier for you to act more confidently. Once you get your confidence engine started, it’s hard to stop it. But how do we do that?

Start with the body. Begin by practicing good posture for a few minutes every day. Stand up straight, imagining a string pulling up at the top of your head and another one pulling on your feet. Remember what that looks and feels like. You can remember it whenever you need to and snap right into position. Similarly, don’t be afraid to smile more; Not only does it make you appear more confident, it also has a myriad of health benefits. Finally, pick a couple iconic, masculine men like Humphrey Bogart of Steve McQueen. How do they walk? Begin to mimic that walk.

You might not believe that you’re confident at first, but your body will — and it will soon convince your mind.

Step 2: Hang Out With Outgoing People

Our friends tend to rub off on us, for better or for worse, so let’s use it for the better. Start hanging out more with the most outgoing people that you know. Hit up the clubs with the guys you know who get out there and talk to women the most. Watch how they do it. Go with them and act as wingman. I suspect that in a short time, you’ll be more comfortable with approaching women on your own, which brings us to the last step.

Step 3: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

If you’re naturally shy, the only way that you’re going to overcome that is by eventually getting out of your comfort zone. If you want to talk to more women, you need to start just doing it. You begin with baby steps, like cheersing or high fiving people that you see out at a club. Not only does this make you appear more confident, it gets you more comfortable with approaching strangers. Don’t limit yourself to the club and the bar, either; Try chatting up people in line at the grocery store, the coffee shop or just about anywhere. The more you get out of your shell and start talking to people, the more you’re going to be comfortable with doing it. Soon you’ll be able to approach even the most beautiful women without fear.

A Final Thought: Failure as Success

At The Art of Charm, we believe that failure is part of the path to success. If you talk to a woman at a club and get blown out of the water, take a minute to ask yourself what you might have done differently — right before you pat yourself on the back for approaching her. Success comes in many shapes and sizes. For men who are shy around women, even just getting out there is a minor victory that you should congratulate yourself for.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1167 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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