Here’s something you don’t need us to tell you: Men and women flirt differently. Still, knowing that you flirt differently than women isn’t the same as knowing how. Knowing how men flirt and how women flirt, however, gives you an edge over most men. It allows you to look at what women are doing when they flirt and understanding it better. It also allows for you to take your flirting style and adapt it in such a way that it’s easier for women to read.
Before we get into these, we should say: Everyone is an individual and these are just some basic things that apply on average.
Approach vs. Acceptance
One of the biggest difference between how men flirt and how women flirt is approach versus acceptance. What we mean by this is that it’s the man’s job to approach and initiate. Women who are flirting generally accept — or deny, for that matter. What this means is that you shouldn’t be discouraged if women don’t approach you. It doesn’t mean that she’s not interested, it just means that she has a different social role.
Thinking vs. Feeling
Men tend to be more intellectual, while women tend to be more emotional. This even goes into flirting style, which for men tends to be more thought out, whereas women tend to be more intuitive. What this means is that you should allow yourself to go with the flow. Riff on her and let her riff on you. And don’t take things personally if she pushes back and teases you a bit.
Leading vs. Following
Even after you approach, the male / female dynamic is often about leading versus following. One of the reasons that guys worry about running out of things to say is due to the leading and following dynamic that exists in how men flirt and how women flirt. You intuitively know that you’re supposed to be leading, so when you’re unable to do that, you get anxious. The Art of Charm can teach you how to lead.
Straightforward vs. Complex (“Checkers vs. Chess”)
This is one of the ones we hear the most about: Straightforward versus complex, or as we commonly call it “checkers versus chess.” Most men tend to be very straightforward, whereas women tend to be more complex. How many times have you thought “why won’t she just tell me what she thinks?” This applies to flirting as much as it does anywhere else. It’s OK for you to be straightforward. Just understand that many women are going to be more complex in their flirting style than you are.
Physical vs. Emotional
You’re looking to get a physical connection, but many women are out looking to make more of an emotional connection — even at the stage of flirting. This is why we think flirting ought to be light and playful at first. It allows the both of you to relax a bit before you get into more serious “getting to know you” type conversation.
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