Dating After Divorce: What To Expect

Dating after divorceDating after divorce can be a hard thing for a guy to wrap his head around.  He may find himself wondering “how do I even begin?”

While dating after divorce is not something I personally have experience with, there was a great episode of Pickup Podcast featuring Kimberly Seltzer (a licensed therapist and professional stylist) that had some fantastic insight for what a divorced guy can expect.

Below is just a brief summary of some of the points Kimberly mentioned.  Whether you’ve been divorced 2 days or 20 years, the advice below will help you successfully get back into the dating arena.

Focus on yourself

When you’re married your relationship becomes a part of your identity. You become so used to making decisions based on what’s good for you and your partner that the idea of simply doing what you want seems foreign. You end up dropping the activities that you enjoyed in favor of doing things you both enjoy.

Now that you’re single, let go of the habits and activities of married life and embrace your newfound life as a bachelor. If you’re unsure how to get started, begin by reconnecting with the hobbies and activities you enjoyed before marriage.  Spend your time doing the shit you enjoy and focus on making yourself happy.  Not only with this help you feel good about your situation, it’ll help you create an interesting life that women will want to be a part of.

Get some single guy friends

Transitioning from married life to bachelor life is going to be tricky if you’re always surrounded by married couples.  As great as your married friends are, they can be so consumed by married life that they’ve lost touch with what single life is all about.  So make a point to hang out with single guys who you can relate to.  It’ll give you a solid support structure as they more deeply understand your current situation.

Get the Right attitude

Some divorced guys are afraid that being a divorced may somehow hurt their chances with women.  They’re worried women might see them as “damaged goods” or as someone that can’t keep a relationship together.

But in reality, it’s the exact opposite.  In fact many women out there prefer divorced guys.

Guys who have been married know what a committed relationship is all about.  They know what it’s like to share their life with someone.  Guys who have never been married – or never been in a long-term relationship – often don’t really understand what commitment is about.  The fact that you’ve experienced it and had the balls to commit to a woman so seriously is a huge.  It’s exactly what woman want in a guy.

Date for the right reasons

After a divorce it’s very common for a guy to feel there’s a hole in his life that must be filled.  If you’re dating after divorce as a way to fill that hole (and single guys do this too) then you’re dating for the wrong reasons.  That kind of desperation will drive most women away.  It also makes it much more likely you’ll settle for “whatever I can get” -which is a great way to end up in an unsatisfying and uninspired relationship.

That’s why it’s so important to get your own life in order first.  Not only will it help you escape the neediness that drives women away, but if you’re happy with your life you’ll radiate a positivity that sucks women in.

Dating after divorce is all about getting to know women and sharing a good time with them.  At its best dating is about living an awesome life and offering women a chance to come along for the ride – because doing so makes the whole adventure that much more enjoyable.

 

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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in Art of Dating, Dating Tips

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