Ditching the “Alpha Male” Traits to Unleash the High-Value Man Within

Unleash the High-Value MaleIf you’re a man interested in social dynamics and meeting women, chances are good that you’re familiar with the concept of the “alpha male.” We’re not big into making you into an alpha male at The Art of Charm. On the contrary, we want you to be a high-value man. There’s a subtle but important difference that’ll have you becoming the best man that you can be rather than aspiring to an unattainable ideal.

Why Alpha Male Traits Don’t Work

As it turns out, there’s actual hard science saying that alpha male traits don’t really work. Men who are “dominant” tend to be able to create attraction, but not sustain it over time. This is fine if you want an endless series of one night stands; However, you want more than that. You want meaningful relationships with women and men alike. What’s more, being “alpha” is often a front; It’s a way for low-value men to steal value from others. What we want is for you to be a value-creating factory, a self-sustaining man who makes all the value he needs from the inside out.

The Benefits of Being a High-Value Man

So what is a high value man? It’s a man who doesn’t need any validation from other people. It’s a man who can give value to those who need it, because he has so much of his own to spare that it’s going to waste otherwise. The high-value man practices the way of Abraham Lincoln, who said that the best way to defeat an enemy is to make him your friend. He never takes anything personally.

This is the type of man we want you to become. Not only will it make you happier than taking on “alpha male” traits, it will also make you more attractive and ultimately it’s a lot easier.

High-Value Behavior 1: Giving Other People Value

The unmistakable mark of a high-value man is the ability to give value to everyone around him without losing a trace of his own. How do we give value to others? We do it simply, in a way that is really not just a way of trying to obtain value and validation. For example, simply telling someone “I dig you” or “You seem pretty cool” is a great way to give value. Similarly, when a lower-value man attempts to dis you with a bad joke, laugh at it, tell him he’s funny and introduce yourself with a handshake. He’ll be buying you shots inside of ten minutes almost every time.

High-Value Behavior 2: Not Seeking Approval From Others

If there’s one thing that a high-value man never does, its look for approval from others. This can take many forms, but it all boils down to this: Looking for approval and validation from others makes them uneasy about being around you. This is because most people want to get validation from somewhere else already. When you start trying to get validation off of them, you’re only making an inherently stressful situation (socializing) even harder. Instead, cultivate a care-free attitude like a little boy or a playful puppy who is endlessly self-amused. This gives other people permission to relax and have a good time — and they’ll love you for it.

High-Value Behavior #3: Going After What You Want

High-value men go after what they want when they want it. This can — and often does — take the form of approaching women that they’re interested in the second that they become interested in them. It’s one of the easiest ways to begin showing high-value behavior, but also one of the hardest. That said, once you’ve done this five or ten times, notice that your approach anxiety is going to drop to somewhere around zero.

It doesn’t take alpha male traits to get a woman, and there are no tricks to being a high-value man; Just a series of simple behaviors that any man can learn and practice.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1132 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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