One of the biggest mistakes men make when it comes to attraction and flirting is not starting with a little banter. Banter is the foundation of an interaction. Without a good foundation, you can’t build a good house. This article will explain exactly why we start in banter with the hopes of making it clear that this is not an arbitrary choice, but the best way to get an interaction off on the right foot.
What Do We Mean When We Say “Banter?”
First, let’s talk about what we mean by “banter.” Basically, what we mean is light, playful and content-free conversation. The point here isn’t to form a deep connection. Rather, you’re trying to open the door to that connection by creating attraction and getting her more relaxed about talking to you.
Why We Start With Banter: Taking the Pressure Off
When people are out in social situations, they can be nervous and intimidated. Banter allows us to break down these negative emotions with playfulness. If you go out a lot, you might notice that people are generally more quiet and reserved when they first go out. They loosen up more as the night goes on and not just because they’ve had a drink or three; Rather, the fact that they are around other people who are having fun gives them permission to have fun as well.
Start with banter. It allows you to send the subtle message that it’s OK to have fun. This will have people not only loosening up around you, but also feeling great about it.
Why We Start With Banter: Gets The Energy on Your Side
Bantering has a simple and straightforward goal: Get her laughing or at least smiling. This gets energy on your side. When you come over, she might be having a good time, but when you’re done with banter she’s going to have an even better time. This goes a long way toward showing her, not telling her, that you’re a guy whose company she’s going to enjoy. When she thinks back on the night, she’s going to remember that she had a great time with you because you were fun from the outset.
Attraction and flirting start with banter because of this light, playful aspect. Compare this to how many men start an interaction with women: By asking a lot of personal questions (“where are you from?” or “what do you do?”) that can have her feeling defensive.
Why We Start With Banter: She’ll Want to Know You More
Starting with banter leaves you with a huge reserve of things in your pocket to talk about. She knows that she’s having fun with you; This makes her want to get to know you more, because she also doesn’t really know anything about you yet. The reverse side of this coin is that it allows you to express interest in her after a bit of banter. Once she’s relaxed, questions about where she grew up or what she does for a living won’t intimidate her. On the contrary, they will be clear sings that you are interested in who she is as a person.
The underlying goal of all banter is to create the initial spark of attraction with her. Once you do that, she’s going to be dying to know more about you.
Transitioning Out of Banter
Once you’ve gotten her laughing, smiling and relaxing a bit, it’s time to transition out of banter. We do this by showing interest in a very simple way; Just tell her that you’re into her and ask her something general about herself. For example, you could say “I dig you, tell me three things about yourself” or “You seem pretty cool, what’s your deal?” Both of these are great because they show your interest while letting her decide what information she feels comfortable sharing with you.
