How to Speak with Confidence When Asking Her Out

The tone of your voice plays a huge role in a woman’s decision to go out with you. Speak with confidence when asking a woman out and she’ll be far more likely to say “yes” to your invitation. Speak with a weak, insecure, or uncertain tone and you’ll probably wind up hearing a “no”. If you want to ensure you project that strong, confident tone when asking a girl out, here are a few tips on how to speak with confidence.

Keep your voice low.
People tend to raise the pitch of their voice when they are insecure or uncertain. You hear this all the time as a person’s voice will often go up when asking a question. But if you want to sound more confident when speaking then you should avoid this natural inclination. Instead keep your pitch low when asking a girl out. You can even go a step further and slightly lower the pitch of your voice at the end of your sentences. Doing so adds an extra touch of confidence and authority to your speech.

Speak slowly
The most common vocal mistake guys make when asking a girl out is speaking too quickly. Guys get nervous and excited and begin racing through what they want to say. This shows insecurity and is often a big turn-off for women.

So perhaps the most important tip for how to speak with confidence when asking a girl out is to slow down. Make a point to speak at a slow, steady rate. Simply being aware of your rate of speech will go a long way in helping you speak at a slower, more relaxed pace.

Don’t use filler words
Another vocal signal that shows insecurity and uncertainty is the use of “filler words”. These are words like “umm”, “uhhh” or “like” that serve no purpose other than filling space. When guys use filler words it sucks all the power out of what they have to say. (Just imagine how Martin Luther King Jr. would have sounded had got up and said “I umm have like, a dream…”)

In order to speak with confidence you’ll want to eliminate all those meaningless words and sounds from your speech. In their place don’t say anything and simply hold silence. For example, if you’re not sure what you want to say next stay quiet and think rather than saying “ummmmm…” The silence will build tension and make it seem like whatever you have to say next is incredibly important.

(To learn more about how to add power and authority to your voice check out the work done by Arthur Joseph at http://www.vocalawareness.com/)

Be direct
Part of speaking with confidence is being direct. If you’re interested in a girl and want to take her on a date, let her know it. Don’t hide the fact that you dig her or pretend as though you’re just looking to casually hang out as friends (that’s how guys wind up in the friend-zone). Instead, be up-front with your intentions. Make it clear that you are interested in going beyond friendship and are looking for a real date. Women appreciate the courage it takes to be this honest and authentic.

Ask her out without asking
A great trick for speaking with confidence when asking a girl on a date is to phrase your date invitation as a statement – not a question. Instead of asking “Will you go out with me tomorrow?” say “Let’s go out for drinks tomorrow”. Phrasing it as a statement assumes she’s already interested and willing to go out with you. It shows tremendous confidence and certainty which makes it easier for her to go along with whatever you suggest.

Know what you want
It’s going to be much easier to speak with confidence when asking a girl out if you know exactly what you want. That means knowing what you want to do on your date as well as when and where you’ll do it. So rather than asking something like “Want to go out sometime?” say “Let’s meet up for margaritas tomorrow at 5” Knowing exactly what you want and asking for it shows the type of leadership qualities women want in a man.

Take deep breaths
Ever find yourself getting nervous and “up in your head” when asking a girl out? A lot of guys do. To prevent this you’ll want to keep yourself grounded by focusing on the sensations in your body. One sensation in particular you may want to focus on (as it will also help you to speak with confidence) is your breath.

Take slow, deep breaths when speaking and be aware of what that feels like (you should be able to feel your belly expand). Breathing deep like this will ensure that your voice stays steady, calm, and controlled. Plus, keeping your awareness on the feelings you have in your body is going to keep you grounded. As a result you won’t get so wrapped up in any thoughts/worries swirling around in your head.

The right mindset
A phrase that gets thrown around a lot at AoC is ”Always Assume Attraction”. Always believe that the girl is interested in you, attracted to you, and hoping you’ll ask her out. Why? Because having this belief makes it much easier to act and speak with confidence. You won’t have to worry about “getting her to like you” or “saying the right things”. Instead you can just focus on enjoying her company with the knowledge that you can take things to the next level any time you choose.

Attracting women
Vocal tonality is just a small part in projecting the confidence that attracts women. To learn more about what you can do to come across as the confident, charismatic man women chase after, check out the Art of Charm Online Academy. It’s a six-month video program loaded with demonstrations, drills, and exercises that’ll teach you everything you need to know to get and keep the girl. Just click the banner at the top of this screen to learn more.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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