How to Start Dating Again After a Hard Breakup

If you’re one of the few men to get through life without a hard breakup, our hats off to you. For the rest of us, the question of how to start dating again after a hard breakup is a very difficult problem. You will have to start dating again at some point. However, you might not know how to get back out there, especially if you broke up after a very long-term relationship. Fortunately, the dating professionals of The Art of Charm are here to help you get past your hard breakup and move on to bigger and better things.

Breakups Are Hard

You don’t need us to tell you that breakups are difficult. You already know it because you’re going through it. Cut yourself some slack and accept that it’s hard. Don’t beat yourself up because you’re having a hard time. At the same time, the only real way to get over a really hard breakup is to move on. You might even consider counseling to help you get through it.

Commit to Having Fun

If you just had a bad breakup, there’s a good chance that things weren’t going that great for you for a long time. When it comes to how to start dating again, you need to commit to having fun. This is the best investment that you can make in yourself when you start dating again, especially if you’ve been through an especially tough breakup. Don’t worry so much about meeting someone new to replace the old girl. Instead, concentrate on having a killer time every time that you go out.

One way to have fun is to try new things. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time, chances are good that the two of you have places that are “your spots.” Rather than remembering her every time that you head over there, try new places that can become spots that are just for you rather than for the two of you.

Commit to Bettering Yourself

While you’re getting yourself back together, use the down time after a hard breakup to start bettering yourself. Hit the gym more often than not. Take a class that you’ve been meaning to. Invest your spare time into yourself rather than into another relationship. Trust us, it’s going to pay off in the long run when you radically improve the quality of the women in your new life. Whatever you’ve been meaning to do to better yourself for years now, throw yourself into it and use it to get over the hump.

Even spending more time on the job and putting your energy there can be a great use of your time.

Learning a new language, instrument or skill can be a great way for you to turn all the negative energy you have in your life into something positive. Not only do you learn something new, you also get to build up your confidence. Monitoring your progress is a subtle sign to yourself that you’re moving on, that time is passing, that you can trust yourself. These things are absolutely crucial at this difficult time in your life.

Another way to move past this period of your life is to spend lots of time at the gym. The connection between confidence and exercise is well documented. You’ll fire up your endorphins, while also making yourself look better and achieve things you maybe thought you never could on a daily basis.

Commit to Pushing Yourself

It’s going to be hard when you first start dating again. The solution is to face this head on and push yourself a little. Commit to going out at least once a week, then commit to talking to a certain number of women every night that you go out. Setting attainable goals that allow you to stretch yourself a bit is the best way to get back into dating after you’ve been through a really tough breakup.

Commit to Playing the Field

No matter how wonderful a woman you meet out of the gate, after a bad breakup you need some time to yourself and you need some time to evaluate new women. How do you know how to start dating again if you don’t know what’s out there? Commit to playing the field, to meeting new women, to checking out what your city has to offer before you settle down again. All this is going to do is increase the quality of a woman that you find yourself in a relationship with next. Playing the field is an investment in yourself and a way to ensure that you don’t repeat the past mistakes that led to having a really hard breakup in the first place.

You should also be more selective when you do decide to get into a relationship again. Don’t feel like you owe yourself to everyone. Think about who you’re going to filter out as well as who you’re going to let into your life. You should learn something about what didn’t work in your last relationship and avoid dating women with similar problematic qualities as your ex.

The Don’ts

Just as there are things that you should do after you breakup, there are also some things that we absolutely advise you to not do. These include:

  • Trying to get her back. If you broke up, it was probably for a reason. At some point in the future, if the stars are aligned, you might find that getting back together is a good idea. It’s likely, however, that this will happen organically, rather than as a result of your efforts.
  • Looking at her social media. I get it. When you’re with someone, you want to know what they’re doing after the two of you breakup. Still, looking into what she’s doing after you break up is probably only going to make it harder for you to move on in the long run.
  • Dating again too soon. One of the reasons that we advise you to take some time to improve yourself is because it gives you the space you need to take for yourself to grow and heal after a bad breakup. Dating again too soon can get in the way of the space you need to make for yourself.

Want to know more about how to start dating again after a hard breakup? Check out The Art of Charm Academy. It’s chock full of the best tips out there for making the best dating life for yourself. Best of all, it only costs one dollar. Sign up today and find out what all the hype is about.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1050 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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