What makes a woman attractive more than her looks? And how can that knowledge help you become more attractive to the women you meet? This article will answer both those questions, and go on to show you how to filter out undesirable women – such as flakes, fakes, and shallow women – so that you’re left only dating the high-value women that are right for you.
What to look for in a woman
Many men are so focused on “how do I get a girl to like me?” that they never stop to think about what exactly they want in a woman. As a result they often end up with the wrong girl – or no girl at all. So rather than focusing on how to get a girl to like you, focus on how to get the girl that’s right for you.
The first step in doing this is to take some time and decide for yourself what makes a woman attractive in addition to her looks. Figure out exactly what you want in a woman and a relationship. What personality traits do you want in a girl? What are her values, beliefs, and lifestyle? What activities would you do together? Then when you go out, actively screen women and get the girl that’s right for you. (This exercise on how to get women that are right for you was mentioned in more detail in the Pickup Podcast interview with relationship coach Susan Winter).
How screening makes you become more attractive to women
The funny thing is, filtering women and seeing if they meet your standards will actually make you more attractive to every woman you meet. When you’re the one screening, you come from a place of power. You get out of “how can I get this girl to like me?” mindset that women find unattractive in men. Instead, by being selective you show that you don’t need external validation and that you have choice and confidence with women. As a result, you flip the script and get women chasing you.
What to do with a girl who flakes
A big problem guys have in the dating arena is how to handle flakey girls – girls that don’t show up when they say they would, or bail at the last minute. If you want to know what to do with a girl that flakes, here are two things that will help:
First, avoid flaky behavior in girls by letting the girl know that flakey behavior isn’t tolerated. When getting a girl’s number or making plans, prime her to keep her word by saying “hold up, you’re not one of those flakey girls who makes plans then bails at the last minute are you?” (say it with a smile, not hostility). Of course, she’ll say no. Then when you have that date, she’ll be much more likely to stick to her word because she’s already admitted to herself and to you that she’s the type of girl that follows through.
Now, if you’re dating a girl who flakes frequently, let her know you won’t put up with that behavior. Have standards for how you deserve to be treated and if a girl doesn’t meet those standards, cut her loose. Not only will this eliminate flakey girls from your life, but a willingness to let go of women that don’t fit your values shows that integrity and strong confidence women find attractive in men.
And cutting flakey girls loose has a bonus psychological effect that helps men in dating. By letting a girl like that go you’re proving to yourself that you’re a man with choice and confidence with women. You’ll begin to feel that “abundance mentality” – that there are plenty of women out there for you – and that you really are a high-value guy who only deserves high-value women.
How to avoid girls who are fake
One common dating mistake guys make is falling for the wrong girl. In the early stages of dating a girl might seem great and show all the traits men find attractive in a girl – loving, attentive, fun, caring, etc. But once that honeymoon period ends he finds that she’s changed and no longer treats him with the same loving respect she once did.
While there may be a few reasons for this change, one possibility is she faked those qualities that attract men and hid her true character early on to win him over. Then once she got him, she no longer felt the need to impress him so she reverted back to her natural character.
If that’s the case, there’s a way to make sure you don’t get sucked in by girls who only fake the qualities men find attractive. And that is to focus on how she treats others. Specifically, those people who she is not trying to get anything from. Pay attention to how she treats the busboy, the cab driver, strangers on the street, etc. It’s important because when that honeymoon period ends and she no longer feels the need to win your approval, that’s likely how she’ll be treating you.
How to tell if a girl is interested in you – or your stuff
What makes a woman attractive is her ability to look beyond superficial things. Another dating problem men have is getting played by shallow women – girls that only date a guy because they want a fancy dinner, expensive vacation, or whatever else. Obviously, these are girls you want to screen out. To avoid getting played by a girl who just wants you for material things, here’s what you can do:
First, realize that if you think the way to impress women is with money, then you’re going to attract women who are just looking for a guy with money. So don’t try to win a woman over by talking about all the money you throw around. Instead, dazzle her with your awesome personality and find the women who like you for you.
The second way to avoid shallow women is to pay attention to what she says. If she’s the type of girl who is always talking about material things – who goes on about her rich ex-boyfriends and the expensive dinner dates her friends go on – then she’s showing you the thoughts that occupy her mind. Let her go and move on to a girl with more attractive personality traits.
