There’s a common misconception out there that developing charisma is impossible. It’s seen as a quality people receive at birth and either you have it or you don’t. But when you break charisma down and look at what it is that makes a person charismatic, it becomes obvious that this is something anybody can develop. In this article I’ll briefly explain what charisma is all about and show how you can start developing charisma today.
What is charisma?
At its core charisma is simply the ability to make other people feel good just by being around you. A big part of this is making the person you’re talking to feel as though she is the most important person in the room – heck, in the world. How can you make a person feel this way? A good way to start is to focus your attention on her and her positive qualities. For example instead of hoping to show a girl how cool, funny, and amazing you are (which is what most guys are doing) focus on showing her how cool, funny and amazing she is. Find out what’s unique about her and appreciate her for it. She’ll start feeling great about herself and as a result will feel a strong desire to be around you even more.
Developing charisma through a positive attitude
In order to make other people feel good around you it’s crucial that you first feel good yourself. When you are feeling positive and upbeat that attitude will radiate out and infect those around you. They will start to feel more positive and upbeat themselves, and have you to thank for it.
If you’re struggling to feel positive and upbeat here’s a little trick you can do anytime you need to boost your mood: First, pick a song you love that makes you feel good whenever you hear it – perhaps a song with some strong positive memories associated with it. Got it? Now, anytime you need to boost your mood hum this song to yourself. Tap your feet, move your body, and really get into it. Let the positivity of that song and the memories associated with it wash over you. Before you know it you’ll be radiating positivity to those around you.
Share that positivity with everyone
The next step in developing charisma is learning to share that positivity with everyone around you. Being positive and charming with a selective group of people (like attractive woman) while ignoring everyone else makes a guy look like a suck-up. To avoid being seen this way be sure to be friendly and social with everyone. This gives those attractive women a chance to see you as a fun, charismatic guy before they even meet you.
Be a giver
While being social and friendly with everyone be sure to focus on giving. Look to see what you can give other people as opposed to trying to get something from them. For example if you walk up to a woman just hoping to get a phone number she’s going to sense that you want something form her and be turned-off. If however you’re only intention when approaching a woman is to get her laughing and brighten her day, you’ll give off a more positive, authentic vibe. This will get her to see you in a better light and she’ll be far more likely to give you her phone number by the end of the conversation.
It’s not about you
Again, being charismatic is about making a person feel as if she is the most important person in the world. This means showing her that what she has to say matters. So it’s important that during your conversations you spend less time worrying about what you’re going to say next and more time listening. Be actively engaged in what she’s saying and don’t interrupt. If you find your mind starts to wander, bring yourself back by focusing on the physical sensations in your body (your breath is a good one since it’s always there). From there it will be easier to bring your attention back to what she’s saying.
Opening up and connecting
Even though the conversation isn’t necessarily about you that doesn’t mean you won’t be sharing your own thoughts and feelings. After all good conversation requires a back-and-forth, not just one person talking at the other. So when it comes time for you to share remember to keep the “I” perspective. Saying “I love fishing” is more personal and shows more openness than saying “fishing is fun”. Using this “I” perspective allows her to feel more connected to you – which is another important key in developing charisma.
Confidence
Another crucial part of developing charisma is developing confidence. There’s already a ton of Art of Charm articles on how to develop confidence so I’ll make this quick by giving you a simple practice you can do anytime you need a boost in confidence. It’s called the power pose:
Stand tall with your knees bent and legs a little more than shoulder-width apart. Stretch your arms up and to the sides while looking up and smiling. Inhale deep into your belly and as you do imagine yourself expanding out and taking up the entire room. Do this for a full minute and when you’re done, you’re going to feel more powerful, confident, and charismatic.
The science of charisma
Still don’t think developing charisma is possible? The scientific proof of how charisma is in fact something anybody can learn was covered extensively by Olivia Fox Cabane (http://foxcabane.com/) in her book The Charisma Myth. To learn more click here and listen to the podcast she did with Jordan and The Art of Charm.
